She sat on her bed, shoulders slumped forward, her legs folded loosely in front of her. A Bible lay open on her lap, but she couldn't focus. The house was full of deafening quiet, daring her to speak, to even utter a whisper. She chanced it: "Oh God..." Nothing happened. Setting aside her Bible and outstreching her legs, she rested her head on the wooden bed frame. Soon this became intollerably uncomfortable, and she scooted down onto her back and stared up at the familiar valted ceiling. Her posters and paint and wallpaper, her pictures of friends and family, her stuffed animals arranged neatly on the ledge above her closet...she surveyed all these before finally closing her eyes. This only made matters worse. Countless scenes flashed through her mind, and when she opened her eyes again, tears that had gathered in her eyelashed fell as she blinked and streamed down her cheecks. Immediately she removed her glasses, placing them on top of her Bible, and pressed her palms against her eyes.
Suddenly, a brilliant light filled the room, and her view of everything in it was momentarily marred. She sat up, put her glasses back on, and slung her legs over the side of the bed, waiting. Another instant, and the light passed. Everything around her emimated slightly with the remants of the glorious light, and before her stood a man. He was dark brown, with long brown hair and a beard that was not dirty, but slightly unkempt. He looked down at her tenderly, examining her with his deep brown eyes, and then his face broke slowly into a wide smile. Her face cracked into a half smile, and she greeted him casually. "Hey Jesus."
"Hey Ellie. How are you?"
"Good, thanks."
"Is that so?"
"Yes," she replied indignantly. He eyed her closely, but said nothing. "I mean, I have two great parents that love me, I have a huge adult support base, I have the best friends in the world, I have a roof over my head, pleanty of food and clothing, I live in a free country, I'm healthy, and I get to receive an education. And I know you. So why shouldn't I be good?"
"I didn't say you shouldn't be," he replied kindly. "I merely suggested you might not be."
"Well, it's stupid anyway. I don't know what my problem is."
"Well, maybe I do." She averted her gaze, but he took her face in his hand and gently brought her eyes back to his. Smiling an understanding smile, he said, "Let's go for a walk."
Instantly they were outside. Tonight he had brought them to a peaceful country lane which passed between quiet storefronts that were antiquated in style, but appeared fairly new.
"Where are we?" she asked.
"Early American boom town."
"It looks like Little House on the Prairie."
"You've got the right time period." They fell silent. Ellie started at the sound of howling in the distance, and the jolt caused her to look up from the ground and observe her surroundings further. Truly, it was like a scene from Little House. To the right, there was a family restaurant, a general store, a watch repair shop, the local doctor's office, and a Seed and Feed store. On the left, a lumber mill, a blacksmith shop, a tiny Post Office, and a tailor's shop. Dead ahead of them stood the church, a still bell shining in the moonlight from inside the white steeple. As she stood staring at the church, something cold nuzzled Ellie's hand. She jumped, and when she looked down, a yellow Labrador stared up at her, his tongue hanging lazliy out of his mouth, his backside moving quickly up and down from his excited panting. "He'll be good company, and he'll bark if wolves are coming."
"Are you telling me you, of all people, won't sense danger coming?" Ellie asked, slightly amused.
"Well, he'll be good company then." Silence fell again, broken only by the happy breathing of their hairy new companion. "Cast all your burdens on me," he whispered after a moment.
"What if I don't even know what it is? How do you expect me to give it to you if I don't know what it is?" she said, frustrated more with herself than with Him.
"My understanding is not contingent on yours, Ellie."
"It's just so infuriating!" she exclaimed without hearing Him. "Why is it just me? Why is it that I can't adjust? Me, of all people! People have been mistaking me for 18 since I was 13. My maturity and articulateness have been hailed by many. Everyone expected me to flourish because I'm social and generally well-liked and always ready for a new adventure. I'm the girl who travels to foreign countries, the one who always has a funny quip or witty comment, the one with lofty goals and an inexplicably low self-esteem that shocks people because, according to them, there is no earthly reason for it. I'm the one who always points to You!" she yelled, stopping short in her tracks, finally looking up at Him. "And now the love and joy and peace that I've promised to people in the past, I can't find myself." When He didn't speak, she continued, "I don't know why, but I wasn't ready to grow up. All my friends were, and granted I would be reluctant to follow some of their paths to full-blown adulthood, but at least they embraced their new life chapter. To me, it feels like I just finished the Harry-Potter-series-portion of my life, and now this chapter is more like Dickens--there might be something good in it, but I'm going to have to slog through to find out." He chuckled, and she smiled in spite of herself. But then her face became downcast once more, and she asked Him seriously, "So? What do you have to say?"
"My grace is sufficient," He stated simply.
"Oh come on! Give me more than that!"
"More? You mean more than my death for your forgiveness, my resurrection for your new life, my love that never fails, and my grace that covers you in every situation?" He smiled knowingly. "Let me ask you this: when the apsotle Paul cried out because he was in pain, and I told him that very same thing, does the Bible then say, 'And suddenly Paul felt magically better, and everything was good because he felt good.'"
"No," Ellie replied, supplying the obviously correct answer.
"Ok then. So have faith that my grace is with you--that I'm 'in the boat' as you would say--even if you don't feel it. Because in your heart of hearts, you know it's true." Silence again, and they continued slowly forward. Tears streamed down Ellie's face, and her sobs caused the dog to sidle up closer and look pleadingly up at her. "I just wish I didn't miss them so much...and I wish--" she paused, breathed in deep to steady her voice, and said, "--that I loved you more."
He stopped, forcing her to turn around and face Him. He passed his hand over her face, wiping away the tears with His nail-scarred palm.
"My love is not contingent on your love. I am crazy about you no matter what. And unlike you, sweet Beloved, I am not discouraged if people do not seem to love me as much as I do them. Your love for me is as perfect as mine is for you. I know, because it is my Life that lives in you. You simply have yet to give it full expression, full rule over your heart. You're still bogged down by earthly forms of love, and by earthly burdens. And as you continue to surrender those things to me, you will continue to grow in contentment and peace." Ellie said nothing, but wiped away her remaining tears and raised her head to meet his eyes. "Do you trust me?" he asked, smiling becaue He already knew the answer.
"Yes, I do. I'm confused, and I still don't feel great, but I do trust you."
"Then abide in me, and I will give you rest. You are safe, and I delight in you always. Go in peace, and know that I am in you and walking with you always. I love you, Ellie."
"I love you too, Jesus."
The alarm jolted her awake, and after a momentary hesitation, her feet hit the floor. With the sensation of the carpet under her bare feet and the cool air raising goosebumps on her arms, she closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and whispered, "Good morning, Lord."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
So yeah, I decided to kick off today exercising my creative writing tendencies. Hope you're not too depressed! I'll try to write comedy someday. :)
For anyone who doesn't know, I got rid of the Monday midnight to 4am shift! Which makes my boss Jay my favorite person! And today I have acting and directing class. They are both amazing, but I'm a little intimidated, particularly by acting class. But I'll try pep-talking myself in the shower today after work. :)
I might get a job at Centennial Hall, only if they don't mind me missing like 4 Saturdays in a row for costume crew. Centennial Hall, for those who don't know, is the University of Arizona's way-less-awesome version of Gammage at ASU. And if you don't know what Gammage is...well, look it up.
I have devised an eating and exercise plan that will (hopefully) help me lose a little weight (not a lot, nobody freak out) and get in shape by the end of the semester. I'll keep you posted (because you are so incredibly enthralled, I'm sure).
Alright, this has been a long one! Plus my computer battery is almost gone. So there's that.
Kris, call Tom and tell him how to comment. Yale doesn't have a course in common sense. (Tom, don't say that Yale does so have a course that discusses Thomas Paine...)
I hope everyone has a wonderful day!
Jesucristo es PURA VIDA!
Love,
Lindsey
Thursday, August 27, 2009
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
The wheels of the year slowly begin to turn...
Yesterday was my first day as a college sophomore. By the end of the day, the only thing I was thoroughly convinced of is the fact that I shouldn't have to work midnight to 4 am on Mondays, so I emailed my boss. We'll see how that turns out...
My classes were uneventful. There was serious confusion as to where the costuming class was supposed to meet, so about 15 of us only caught the last 20 minutes of class. Afterward I hurried down to sign up for a crew, but unfortunately I wasn't alone in that pursuit. Consequently, the crew I signed up for, though it may cut it close and there is a (very) small chance that it may still be feasible, the reality is I probably won't get to audition for (let alone be in) a show this semester...again. It's just not fair. It's like I tell Kristen: her passion is like loving to play basketball, mine is like loving to play baseball. Hers can be fun and rewarding alone or with other people. Mine is not terribly fun and very limited without other people. Thankfully this semester I'll have an acting class, so that'll be something.
Speaking of acting class, today marks my first real acting class ever! In junior high, drama didn't teach you much apart from not peeing yourself on stage. In high school, I skipped right to the Performance class, where all we did was perform, and then I was also in some shows, where obviously all we did was perform, so I had some learning days and some technique along the way, but I've never had a concentrated learning experience in acting or acting technique. For all I know, I've been doing it wrong this whole time! So we'll see how that goes, I'm looking forward to it.
Anyway, after costuming I went to Literature of the Bible. It actually seems like the class will be cool, without being anti-Christian. At first I thought it would either be by a Christian, for Christians (an extremely unlikely situation considering how liberal my school is) or an anti-Christian crusade attempting to convince us that the Bible is fictional literature. However, the professor says he has literally been teaching at UA for longer than we've been alive, and it seems that he has the wisdom not to proselytize to us, unlike the uber-liberal TA's that I've had before.
My last class was Principles of Dramatic Structure, and we're going to read even more plays than I thought! We start out with Rum and Coke, which is not a very well known play, but it is the first play being performed this semester, so we have to read it and then see it. I get to watch all three mainstages for my class, and right after Rum and Coke we read/analyze Oedipus and Hamlet. Not like those are two of my favorite pieces of theatre or anything! I sound like a true-blue future English teacher when I talk about Hamlet! I'm very excited.
And today I will have Acting and Directing. Heh, rough day, right? Hopefully I didn't just jinx myself, I would really hate to actually have a rough day. My morning was already a little bit lame.
I had a weird dream, and all I really remember is that Kristen was directing a band of some kind, and I was playing her oboe. It was kind of awesome, for a second I realized why Kristen loves playing with ensembles so much! It was closely akin to what I feel when performing for an audience, but there was also a unique quality about it. It was very cool. It was also very uncool when I woke up. I looked around, and for the first couple seconds I didn't know where I was. I expected to be at home, and I expected to see Kristen. Neither was true, and that familiar heavy sensation that sends me right to the verge of tears settled itself in my chest.
I want what the Lord has for me in this season. I really just want what He has for me. I don't know what the Lord is doing, but I am in desperate need of more of Jesus. Not only that, but I need Jesus to help me receive all that He has for me. He is the God of comfort, the God of peace...the Word says "Be strong, and take heart, and wait for the Lord." I want to do that. I feel like all I do is try, and fail, to lean on Jesus. But He is gracious, and He loves me...I just desperately need Him to reveal that love to my heart in a new way, to make it real to me.
I shared this Joy Williams song with Kristen the other day, but it is how I feel:
"Are you listening
To anything that I say
'Cause I been praying
How many prayers can I pray
I'm still waiting
Maybe You'll show up today
I know You're here, but I can't feel You
And if You're speaking, I can't hear You
How much longer will this last?
So okay
Answer me with silence
It's okay if You don't say a word
You're testing me to trust You'll be faithful in this quiet
So okay
Answer me
With silence
Why do I question
Your intentions for me
When Your affection
Is a proven legacy
Oh Father, Father
Turn my fears into peace
I know Your love will never leave
I know You want what's best for me
You're testing me to trust You'll be faithful in this quiet
Oh, it's okay
If You answer me with silence
And it's okay if You don't say a word
You're testing me to trust You'll be faithful in this quiet
So okay
Answer me
With silence"
It absolutely expresses how I feel. It also ignites a need to write my own poetry again, so you may see that in the near future...
You know, it is interesting to watch the sun come up. Every time I look up, it is a little brighter outside. I'm told it'll get stranger as the winter approaches, because it'll stay darker longer.
Also, I think it is lame that it is so cold in these buildings. My dorm is the same way; it's like they're trying to compensate for how hot it gets outside, but then you practically need a jacket inside, but you're sweaty and heat-dazed outside. In other words, you just can't win! I wish I'd remembered my jacket. I've had goosebumps all morning.
I'm sitting here listening to 30 Rock and staring at 9 different flower arrangements. I guess people--parents, friends, significant others--are sending their respective Coro residents a little floral love. What a sweet sentiment! God has such creativity. These colors are so vibrant, and the shapes are so unique...imagine, none of this, not the colors in all their various shades, not the elegant rose-shape, or the whimsical carnation-shape, or the cheerful sunflower-shape, none of it existed until God spoke it into existence. Colors and shapes are manifestations of His person, His glory, His beauty, His magnificence. He is a good and wonderful God.
Well, I'll say goodbye for now.
"I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge--that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God." --Ephesians 3:16-19
That is my prayer for me, and that is my prayer for you. "Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen." --Ephesians 3: 20-21
And may we always know that God's power "is" at work within us, not "might be" at work within us. We belong to Him, and as long as we are in Jesus, He is at work within us, working for His good pleasure in our lives.
Jesucristo es PURA VIDA!
Love,
Lindsey
My classes were uneventful. There was serious confusion as to where the costuming class was supposed to meet, so about 15 of us only caught the last 20 minutes of class. Afterward I hurried down to sign up for a crew, but unfortunately I wasn't alone in that pursuit. Consequently, the crew I signed up for, though it may cut it close and there is a (very) small chance that it may still be feasible, the reality is I probably won't get to audition for (let alone be in) a show this semester...again. It's just not fair. It's like I tell Kristen: her passion is like loving to play basketball, mine is like loving to play baseball. Hers can be fun and rewarding alone or with other people. Mine is not terribly fun and very limited without other people. Thankfully this semester I'll have an acting class, so that'll be something.
Speaking of acting class, today marks my first real acting class ever! In junior high, drama didn't teach you much apart from not peeing yourself on stage. In high school, I skipped right to the Performance class, where all we did was perform, and then I was also in some shows, where obviously all we did was perform, so I had some learning days and some technique along the way, but I've never had a concentrated learning experience in acting or acting technique. For all I know, I've been doing it wrong this whole time! So we'll see how that goes, I'm looking forward to it.
Anyway, after costuming I went to Literature of the Bible. It actually seems like the class will be cool, without being anti-Christian. At first I thought it would either be by a Christian, for Christians (an extremely unlikely situation considering how liberal my school is) or an anti-Christian crusade attempting to convince us that the Bible is fictional literature. However, the professor says he has literally been teaching at UA for longer than we've been alive, and it seems that he has the wisdom not to proselytize to us, unlike the uber-liberal TA's that I've had before.
My last class was Principles of Dramatic Structure, and we're going to read even more plays than I thought! We start out with Rum and Coke, which is not a very well known play, but it is the first play being performed this semester, so we have to read it and then see it. I get to watch all three mainstages for my class, and right after Rum and Coke we read/analyze Oedipus and Hamlet. Not like those are two of my favorite pieces of theatre or anything! I sound like a true-blue future English teacher when I talk about Hamlet! I'm very excited.
And today I will have Acting and Directing. Heh, rough day, right? Hopefully I didn't just jinx myself, I would really hate to actually have a rough day. My morning was already a little bit lame.
I had a weird dream, and all I really remember is that Kristen was directing a band of some kind, and I was playing her oboe. It was kind of awesome, for a second I realized why Kristen loves playing with ensembles so much! It was closely akin to what I feel when performing for an audience, but there was also a unique quality about it. It was very cool. It was also very uncool when I woke up. I looked around, and for the first couple seconds I didn't know where I was. I expected to be at home, and I expected to see Kristen. Neither was true, and that familiar heavy sensation that sends me right to the verge of tears settled itself in my chest.
I want what the Lord has for me in this season. I really just want what He has for me. I don't know what the Lord is doing, but I am in desperate need of more of Jesus. Not only that, but I need Jesus to help me receive all that He has for me. He is the God of comfort, the God of peace...the Word says "Be strong, and take heart, and wait for the Lord." I want to do that. I feel like all I do is try, and fail, to lean on Jesus. But He is gracious, and He loves me...I just desperately need Him to reveal that love to my heart in a new way, to make it real to me.
I shared this Joy Williams song with Kristen the other day, but it is how I feel:
"Are you listening
To anything that I say
'Cause I been praying
How many prayers can I pray
I'm still waiting
Maybe You'll show up today
I know You're here, but I can't feel You
And if You're speaking, I can't hear You
How much longer will this last?
So okay
Answer me with silence
It's okay if You don't say a word
You're testing me to trust You'll be faithful in this quiet
So okay
Answer me
With silence
Why do I question
Your intentions for me
When Your affection
Is a proven legacy
Oh Father, Father
Turn my fears into peace
I know Your love will never leave
I know You want what's best for me
You're testing me to trust You'll be faithful in this quiet
Oh, it's okay
If You answer me with silence
And it's okay if You don't say a word
You're testing me to trust You'll be faithful in this quiet
So okay
Answer me
With silence"
It absolutely expresses how I feel. It also ignites a need to write my own poetry again, so you may see that in the near future...
You know, it is interesting to watch the sun come up. Every time I look up, it is a little brighter outside. I'm told it'll get stranger as the winter approaches, because it'll stay darker longer.
Also, I think it is lame that it is so cold in these buildings. My dorm is the same way; it's like they're trying to compensate for how hot it gets outside, but then you practically need a jacket inside, but you're sweaty and heat-dazed outside. In other words, you just can't win! I wish I'd remembered my jacket. I've had goosebumps all morning.
I'm sitting here listening to 30 Rock and staring at 9 different flower arrangements. I guess people--parents, friends, significant others--are sending their respective Coro residents a little floral love. What a sweet sentiment! God has such creativity. These colors are so vibrant, and the shapes are so unique...imagine, none of this, not the colors in all their various shades, not the elegant rose-shape, or the whimsical carnation-shape, or the cheerful sunflower-shape, none of it existed until God spoke it into existence. Colors and shapes are manifestations of His person, His glory, His beauty, His magnificence. He is a good and wonderful God.
Well, I'll say goodbye for now.
"I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge--that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God." --Ephesians 3:16-19
That is my prayer for me, and that is my prayer for you. "Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen." --Ephesians 3: 20-21
And may we always know that God's power "is" at work within us, not "might be" at work within us. We belong to Him, and as long as we are in Jesus, He is at work within us, working for His good pleasure in our lives.
Jesucristo es PURA VIDA!
Love,
Lindsey
Monday, August 24, 2009
MONDAY, AUGUST 24TH: FIRST DAY OF SOPHOMORE YEAR
I'll keep you updated. So far: my day began promptly when the day itself began, at midnight, with the midnight to 4 am shift at Coronado. It is currently 3 am, and I want nothing more then to crawl under my covers, pull my pillow under my arm, and sink into the softness of peaceful sleep...for a grand total of 3 hours before my alarm jolts me awake, I groan miserably, stave off the inevitable morning for as long as possible, and then finally drag my ill-rested body out of bed, very likely smacking my head on the top bunk on the way, and battle in vain to invigorate my limbs out of the heaviness of sleep. I'm pretty sure I've got that part pegged, but beyond that is a mystery, so I'll let you know...
It is 3:10 am, and a guy just walked in and went upstairs. What in the name of sanity was he doing out? School starts tomorrow! No amount of denial will alter the fact that he has classes in the morning. Believe me, if that were possible, I'd be in denial up the wazoo.
I don't have much to write about at the moment, which is funny, since I don't really talk about much in my other posts either. Hmm...
I went to church this morning. The morning started out lousy. Didn't get to bed until around 4 am (Coronado will be the death of me), woke up at 7:45 am to get ready for church, ran to the car garage in heels and make-up-less because I was running late, wore off the skin on the back of my heel (such pain!), and walked into church late...the worship was good, the songs great. I really enjoyed the sermon. The pastor talked about how God is building his church together, and how we are all joined in the Life-giving Cornerstone that is Christ. It was good stuff! And then I talked to the two guys that were sitting next to me afterward...I think their names were Micah and Nathan. They were both really nice, and it seemed like the whole congregation was nice. Next week there is a BBQ after the service, so I'm going to attend again and then maybe talk to some more people afterwards to see if it might be my home church. I feel like there is some time yet before I am sure about any church as a home church, but I've known quickly before, so...let's see what God does!
Kristen laughed at me when I told her I talked to two guys after church because I have been stumbling into such situations frequently this past week. I spent a few hours in the basement of Yavapai the other day talking to lots of people, and I ended up going to dinner with 6 guys. I don't know if there are any lasting friendships there, but I guess we'll see...
Anyway, I'm going to call the girl who is supposed to relieve me at 4 am to make sure she is awake. My boss was mad that she told the guy who works the shift before me to have me call her to ensure that she wakes up, and personally I think it's a little stupid myself considering it is her job to make sure she wakes up. However, I am very pro-her showing up because I want desperately to go back to my dorm and my beautiful bed, so guess what? I am going to call her.
I called her. Sounded like she was already awake, but still groggy. That's quite understandable. I really hope I can manage this semester ok. I must learn to rely on God's grace, provision, strength, comfort, peace, and LIFE. May God help me receive from Him all that He has for me!
Jesucristo es PURA VIDA!
"I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong, and take heart, and wait for the Lord." --Psalm 27:13-14
Love,
Lindsey
I'll keep you updated. So far: my day began promptly when the day itself began, at midnight, with the midnight to 4 am shift at Coronado. It is currently 3 am, and I want nothing more then to crawl under my covers, pull my pillow under my arm, and sink into the softness of peaceful sleep...for a grand total of 3 hours before my alarm jolts me awake, I groan miserably, stave off the inevitable morning for as long as possible, and then finally drag my ill-rested body out of bed, very likely smacking my head on the top bunk on the way, and battle in vain to invigorate my limbs out of the heaviness of sleep. I'm pretty sure I've got that part pegged, but beyond that is a mystery, so I'll let you know...
It is 3:10 am, and a guy just walked in and went upstairs. What in the name of sanity was he doing out? School starts tomorrow! No amount of denial will alter the fact that he has classes in the morning. Believe me, if that were possible, I'd be in denial up the wazoo.
I don't have much to write about at the moment, which is funny, since I don't really talk about much in my other posts either. Hmm...
I went to church this morning. The morning started out lousy. Didn't get to bed until around 4 am (Coronado will be the death of me), woke up at 7:45 am to get ready for church, ran to the car garage in heels and make-up-less because I was running late, wore off the skin on the back of my heel (such pain!), and walked into church late...the worship was good, the songs great. I really enjoyed the sermon. The pastor talked about how God is building his church together, and how we are all joined in the Life-giving Cornerstone that is Christ. It was good stuff! And then I talked to the two guys that were sitting next to me afterward...I think their names were Micah and Nathan. They were both really nice, and it seemed like the whole congregation was nice. Next week there is a BBQ after the service, so I'm going to attend again and then maybe talk to some more people afterwards to see if it might be my home church. I feel like there is some time yet before I am sure about any church as a home church, but I've known quickly before, so...let's see what God does!
Kristen laughed at me when I told her I talked to two guys after church because I have been stumbling into such situations frequently this past week. I spent a few hours in the basement of Yavapai the other day talking to lots of people, and I ended up going to dinner with 6 guys. I don't know if there are any lasting friendships there, but I guess we'll see...
Anyway, I'm going to call the girl who is supposed to relieve me at 4 am to make sure she is awake. My boss was mad that she told the guy who works the shift before me to have me call her to ensure that she wakes up, and personally I think it's a little stupid myself considering it is her job to make sure she wakes up. However, I am very pro-her showing up because I want desperately to go back to my dorm and my beautiful bed, so guess what? I am going to call her.
I called her. Sounded like she was already awake, but still groggy. That's quite understandable. I really hope I can manage this semester ok. I must learn to rely on God's grace, provision, strength, comfort, peace, and LIFE. May God help me receive from Him all that He has for me!
Jesucristo es PURA VIDA!
"I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong, and take heart, and wait for the Lord." --Psalm 27:13-14
Love,
Lindsey
Saturday, August 22, 2009
So...classes start Monday! And you know how I'll be kicking off the first day of the school year? A midnight to 4 am shift at Coronado, followed by about 3 1/2 hours of sleep, and my first class of the year at 9 am. Clearly there will also be an afternoon nap in there somewhere, because I refuse to sacrifice my health for this class, especially when I only get paid $0.36 an hour extra for working after hours...that was Arizona-educated folks trying to calculate time-and-a-half right there.
My job scares me a little bit. I thought I was starting to figure it out somewhat, actually had the correct answers every so often, may have even aided a person or two, but then my boss came in to tend to some things, and while she was there she witnessed several different things I did that needed correction...left someone on hold too long, gave someone else too much information after leaving them on hold, the person I was working with didn't put something away, and a few other things too...little things, but it just felt like I was so inept. I mean, obviously I've got the basics: watch people coming in, answer phones, attempt to help answer questions, log mail, do best to prevent building from burning down or drunk and stoned people partying in the lobby...but there are so many details, so many little duties and extra follow-through steps that I seem to miss. And since I have 4 am to 8 am shifts for the most part, I probably won't get checked on often (not exactly prime drop-in hours), so if I take more reasonable grab hours, I'm afraid I'll still be making these little mistakes later on and I'll appear to be a simplton. But I guess only time will tell.
So how am I going to handle this year? Fact 1) I am going to have to adjust my sleeping hard core in order to maintain my health because my work schedule looks like a vindictive crack-addict came up with it. (Or a really sweet DM named Jay! I can't just leave off calling him a crack-addict, so yeah.) Fact 2) I want desperately to get cast in a show, but if I am able to audition and I do get in, I will have rehearsal until 10 pm, which will make it tough to get enough sleep sometimes. Fact 3) Bears run faster than they climb. (Sorry, The Office is in the background...) Fact 4) When am I supposed to find time to work out? I am going to ask for self-discipline for my birthday so maybe I have a prayer of going to the Rec Center more than twice this century. Fact 5) The food options here suck in terms of healthiness. Salad from Core, wraps from Cactus Grill, wraps from IQ Fresh, maybe a carefully crafted sandwitch at the deli, the chargrilled chicken sandwitch at Chickfila. Then there is the moderation option: burger but no fries at Burger King, a little pasta from Three Cheeses, or maybe something at Cafe Sonora, although that stuff is some pretty lard-laden Mexi-ish food, so that's questionable...
I know what you're thinking. "Uh, Lindsey, that sounds like a load of options. What exactly is your beef?" But none of those options compare to the filling, tastey, yet light options afforded me at home, compliments of a refridgerator stocked with Trader Joe's food. There is only so much grocery shopping I can do with a groaning, rattling mini-fridge that freezes everthing and that I share with another person. Not to mention there is only so much a person can do with a microwave. But I'm going to try to feed myself well. In the spirit of Julia Child, "Bon appetit!"
What I wonder now is whether or not I should eat around 4 am...I mean, I'm often hungry, but is that an extra meal? Am I supposed to eat then or what? But then, what do you care?
Alright, I have to leave for work soon. Tonight is Guest Log. Saturday night. Weekend before school starts. Rush week. Who knows? Maybe something interesting will happen.
Jesucristo es PURA VIDA! He is worthy to be praised! Blessed by your name, Jesus.
Living in the Life of Christ,
Lindsey
My job scares me a little bit. I thought I was starting to figure it out somewhat, actually had the correct answers every so often, may have even aided a person or two, but then my boss came in to tend to some things, and while she was there she witnessed several different things I did that needed correction...left someone on hold too long, gave someone else too much information after leaving them on hold, the person I was working with didn't put something away, and a few other things too...little things, but it just felt like I was so inept. I mean, obviously I've got the basics: watch people coming in, answer phones, attempt to help answer questions, log mail, do best to prevent building from burning down or drunk and stoned people partying in the lobby...but there are so many details, so many little duties and extra follow-through steps that I seem to miss. And since I have 4 am to 8 am shifts for the most part, I probably won't get checked on often (not exactly prime drop-in hours), so if I take more reasonable grab hours, I'm afraid I'll still be making these little mistakes later on and I'll appear to be a simplton. But I guess only time will tell.
So how am I going to handle this year? Fact 1) I am going to have to adjust my sleeping hard core in order to maintain my health because my work schedule looks like a vindictive crack-addict came up with it. (Or a really sweet DM named Jay! I can't just leave off calling him a crack-addict, so yeah.) Fact 2) I want desperately to get cast in a show, but if I am able to audition and I do get in, I will have rehearsal until 10 pm, which will make it tough to get enough sleep sometimes. Fact 3) Bears run faster than they climb. (Sorry, The Office is in the background...) Fact 4) When am I supposed to find time to work out? I am going to ask for self-discipline for my birthday so maybe I have a prayer of going to the Rec Center more than twice this century. Fact 5) The food options here suck in terms of healthiness. Salad from Core, wraps from Cactus Grill, wraps from IQ Fresh, maybe a carefully crafted sandwitch at the deli, the chargrilled chicken sandwitch at Chickfila. Then there is the moderation option: burger but no fries at Burger King, a little pasta from Three Cheeses, or maybe something at Cafe Sonora, although that stuff is some pretty lard-laden Mexi-ish food, so that's questionable...
I know what you're thinking. "Uh, Lindsey, that sounds like a load of options. What exactly is your beef?" But none of those options compare to the filling, tastey, yet light options afforded me at home, compliments of a refridgerator stocked with Trader Joe's food. There is only so much grocery shopping I can do with a groaning, rattling mini-fridge that freezes everthing and that I share with another person. Not to mention there is only so much a person can do with a microwave. But I'm going to try to feed myself well. In the spirit of Julia Child, "Bon appetit!"
What I wonder now is whether or not I should eat around 4 am...I mean, I'm often hungry, but is that an extra meal? Am I supposed to eat then or what? But then, what do you care?
Alright, I have to leave for work soon. Tonight is Guest Log. Saturday night. Weekend before school starts. Rush week. Who knows? Maybe something interesting will happen.
Jesucristo es PURA VIDA! He is worthy to be praised! Blessed by your name, Jesus.
Living in the Life of Christ,
Lindsey
Friday, August 21, 2009
And what a semester it will be...
So it is 4:18am, and I'm trying to get the creative juices flowing in order to deliver a totally stellar entry, but it seems that the creative juice pipes get a little clogged this early in the morning. But we'll try...
So right now my only company is the first three seasons of The Office and the elevators that beep every once in a while to amuse themselves. Maybe I should try that...Anyway, you may be wondering where I am so late at night...early in the morning? Whatever, the point is, I'm at work. We are on Opening Schedule right now; in other words, this is not my permanent shift. I can tell you what my permanent shifts are however.
Monday: 12am - 3am
Tuesday: 4am - 8am
Thursday: 4am - 8am
Saturday: 4am - 8am
Pura vida. (definition: uhhh, rats.)
Uh, can you say score? Really? Because I sure can't. But I won't harp on it. Basically, if my parents don't drive down here and force me to do otherwise, I'll accept my fate and trust that God has something for me to do in the wee hours of the morning.
Oh, and for my birthday: pepper spray. Lots of it. Because it was creepy walking here tonight. I started singing "Shout to the Lord" to protect myself, like if God and I were talking, anyone who attacked me would get smacked around my formidable conversation partner.
So a friend of mine, we'll call him Kujo, shared with me over the summer that he is single and happy about it for the first time in his life. He said he was enjoying his time just growing in the Lord, and that he was officially joining me on the sparsely populated "Single and Not Hating It" train. I phrase it this way because if I were to meet someone I was interested in, I would absolutely be willing and wanting to date. But since that's not the case, at least not at the moment, I'm single, and I don't hate it. Kujo has never, in all the time I've known him, actually been ok with being single. And now is no different. He has found a girl, and he's abandoned the train. I say more power to him, mazel tov, go for the gold, and all that. But I find it amusing that people relish being "single" for months at a time. That's actually a feat for some people! Finding someone to date is the feat for me. Is that pathetic?
This past Wednesday at juggling, a guy stopped by who had never juggled with us before, probably because up until that point he had been struggling to escape an Abercrombie and Fitch catalogue somewhere. He had like 3% body fat, a perfect set of abs, beautiful brown hair, softly chiseled facial features...mm, bon appetit! Needless to say, I was the first one to introduce myself, after silently thanking God that I was wearing make-up, even if the rest of my appearance left a little to be desired. Unfortunately, my hopes were quickly dashed, as they often are when I meet a guy who shares my interests and who is particularly hot: while telling a story about walking a tight wire in Yosemite, he cursed. Turn off. After that, I just enjoyed the view.
But I realized something: it's going to be tough to find a guy. So I think I'll do my best not to search. Don't get me wrong, I'll keep my eyes peeled. I would hate to miss an opportunity. :) However, I won't push it. I have a feeling this guy, for instance, is pretty self-absorbed. When talking to him, it was like he was constantly answering the unanswered question: "How are you so hot?" First he talked about walking the wires in Yosemite. Then I started talking about the difference of weather between here and L.A. (where he's from), and he said he noticed a distinct difference between the day before when he went running at 9am and that morning when he ran at 6am. Then during a pause in conversation, he said, "I'm a diver," as if I had just asked why he is in perfect physical shape. And you know what's funny? Even if it was a little presumptuous, the truth is I was absolutely sitting there wondering how in the world he could be so hot, and he explained it for me. So maybe he is just telepathic. However, he was riding his bike shirtless, and consequently standing before me shirtless, and kind of glistening...yeah, I'd say he was baiting me. But you never met a fish more willing to take the bait.
After juggling, I went out to Zachery's with the jugglers. Hopefully I'll get to do that a lot, but since I work 4am - 8am Thursday mornings, I'll have to go straight to bed afterward. Man, my parents are going to freak out about that schedule...anyway, hanging out was very enjoyable. Ate a delicious piece of pizza and talked for maybe 2 hours. I was offered cigarettes and beer, but declined. Pizza and Diet Coke will always be my vices. :)
And now my second post comes to a close. I still have about three hours on the clock. I wonder if I'll be able to work exercise into my weird schedule this year. Or sleep, for that matter. Anyway, good night! Or rather, good morning! A resident just walked by...she's going jogging. Wow, go her.
"I am still convinced of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong, and take heart, and wait for the Lord." --Psalm 27:13-14
Jesucristo es PURA VIDA!
Love,
Lindsey
So right now my only company is the first three seasons of The Office and the elevators that beep every once in a while to amuse themselves. Maybe I should try that...Anyway, you may be wondering where I am so late at night...early in the morning? Whatever, the point is, I'm at work. We are on Opening Schedule right now; in other words, this is not my permanent shift. I can tell you what my permanent shifts are however.
Monday: 12am - 3am
Tuesday: 4am - 8am
Thursday: 4am - 8am
Saturday: 4am - 8am
Pura vida. (definition: uhhh, rats.)
Uh, can you say score? Really? Because I sure can't. But I won't harp on it. Basically, if my parents don't drive down here and force me to do otherwise, I'll accept my fate and trust that God has something for me to do in the wee hours of the morning.
Oh, and for my birthday: pepper spray. Lots of it. Because it was creepy walking here tonight. I started singing "Shout to the Lord" to protect myself, like if God and I were talking, anyone who attacked me would get smacked around my formidable conversation partner.
So a friend of mine, we'll call him Kujo, shared with me over the summer that he is single and happy about it for the first time in his life. He said he was enjoying his time just growing in the Lord, and that he was officially joining me on the sparsely populated "Single and Not Hating It" train. I phrase it this way because if I were to meet someone I was interested in, I would absolutely be willing and wanting to date. But since that's not the case, at least not at the moment, I'm single, and I don't hate it. Kujo has never, in all the time I've known him, actually been ok with being single. And now is no different. He has found a girl, and he's abandoned the train. I say more power to him, mazel tov, go for the gold, and all that. But I find it amusing that people relish being "single" for months at a time. That's actually a feat for some people! Finding someone to date is the feat for me. Is that pathetic?
This past Wednesday at juggling, a guy stopped by who had never juggled with us before, probably because up until that point he had been struggling to escape an Abercrombie and Fitch catalogue somewhere. He had like 3% body fat, a perfect set of abs, beautiful brown hair, softly chiseled facial features...mm, bon appetit! Needless to say, I was the first one to introduce myself, after silently thanking God that I was wearing make-up, even if the rest of my appearance left a little to be desired. Unfortunately, my hopes were quickly dashed, as they often are when I meet a guy who shares my interests and who is particularly hot: while telling a story about walking a tight wire in Yosemite, he cursed. Turn off. After that, I just enjoyed the view.
But I realized something: it's going to be tough to find a guy. So I think I'll do my best not to search. Don't get me wrong, I'll keep my eyes peeled. I would hate to miss an opportunity. :) However, I won't push it. I have a feeling this guy, for instance, is pretty self-absorbed. When talking to him, it was like he was constantly answering the unanswered question: "How are you so hot?" First he talked about walking the wires in Yosemite. Then I started talking about the difference of weather between here and L.A. (where he's from), and he said he noticed a distinct difference between the day before when he went running at 9am and that morning when he ran at 6am. Then during a pause in conversation, he said, "I'm a diver," as if I had just asked why he is in perfect physical shape. And you know what's funny? Even if it was a little presumptuous, the truth is I was absolutely sitting there wondering how in the world he could be so hot, and he explained it for me. So maybe he is just telepathic. However, he was riding his bike shirtless, and consequently standing before me shirtless, and kind of glistening...yeah, I'd say he was baiting me. But you never met a fish more willing to take the bait.
After juggling, I went out to Zachery's with the jugglers. Hopefully I'll get to do that a lot, but since I work 4am - 8am Thursday mornings, I'll have to go straight to bed afterward. Man, my parents are going to freak out about that schedule...anyway, hanging out was very enjoyable. Ate a delicious piece of pizza and talked for maybe 2 hours. I was offered cigarettes and beer, but declined. Pizza and Diet Coke will always be my vices. :)
And now my second post comes to a close. I still have about three hours on the clock. I wonder if I'll be able to work exercise into my weird schedule this year. Or sleep, for that matter. Anyway, good night! Or rather, good morning! A resident just walked by...she's going jogging. Wow, go her.
"I am still convinced of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong, and take heart, and wait for the Lord." --Psalm 27:13-14
Jesucristo es PURA VIDA!
Love,
Lindsey
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Second time's the charm!
Hey all! This is my new blog, the one I am actually going to utilize more than 6 times in a year. I still have my old blog, The Jesus Driven Life, but now I'm going to reserve that one for thoughts, questions, musings, and other such things specifically concerning Scripture or the church. This one, on the other hand, will be more general: all things Pura Vida.
For those who don't know, "pura vida" is a very common Costa Rican colloquialism. It is the most useful phrase I have ever heard, because it means "pure life" in English, and can be used in ANY situation. Examples:
You go to a restaurant, you enjoy a delicious meal, your stomach is bulging, you lean back and ponder whether or not you can get away with unbuttoning your pants in this establishment without getting dirty looks from the server, and someone at the table asks, "How was your food?" Your response: pura vida! (definition: the best thing I've ever had in my life!)
Or...you go to a restaurant, your server is unaware of your presence for the first 30 minutes, then after she finally takes your drink orders, she brings you Diet Coke instead of regular (like she's trying to tell you something), and then a cockroach crawls out of your undercooked hamburger...which really sucks, because it is supposedly a steak. You walk out disgusted and disgruntled, and a couple standing outside is trying to decide whether or not to dine there. "How is this place?" they ask you. Your response: pura vida. (definition: I'd rather undergo Chinese water torture than eat that so-called food again.)
You see, "life" is full of good and bad, wonderful and terrible, encouraging and depressing, and so saying something is "pure life" can mean anything, all that matters is your facial expression and inflection. Since you don't have the privilege of either of those through this medium, I'll try to supplement my usage of the phrase. But for a person like me, who often experiences the whole spectrum of human emotion in a single day, this phrase is particularly useful.
Three days ago I left Gilbert and returned to U of A in Tucson. Tucson is just as metropolitan as ever, by the way. It seems that when God was handing out the emotions, he tripped and spilled a triple portion all over me. The amount that I miss people who are close to me is particularly out of wack. What sucks about that is no one can relate. They can comfort me, and don't get me wrong, I appreciate that. A lot. But no one can relate to a selectively bipolar person like me. Well, I won't say "no one." That makes it sound like I think I am utterly unique, and that's not the case. I don't want to come off as some horribly misunderstood emo kid. My poetry isn't depressing enough. Or clique enough. But then that's a stereotype. I'm sure there is some quality emo poetry out there somewhere. Like...Poe. There you go. And King David on occasion. Ha, that's funny. But anyway, I apologize now for any sudden emotional profession I may make on this blog.
So I've been doing Desk Assistant training for the last two days. I'll be a Desk Assistant in Coronado this year, which is an elite group of suckers that work the only 24-hour dorm hall front desk on campus. But at least we get paid a smidge extra to do Guest Log on Thursday, Friday, and Saturday nights, and to do after hours any day of the week, plus working in a dorm of 800 residents, half of which are sorority girls, frat guys, and athletes promises some great stories. That's not just a raging stereotype talking, it is a proven fact corroborated by the many stories of the returners. So hopefully it'll give me something to blog about in the future, especially since this entry is becoming increasingly dull (a rare feat considering how boring it was at the beginning).
I'll bring this one to a close now, but I'll be back. No Terminator reference intended. I think I'll watch one more episode of The Office, and then I'll go buy text books and go grocery shopping. Alone. You know what that means? I'll probably talk to myself. I can't control it! Which is unfortunate, since it seems to be off-putting to many people. Oh well. :)
Jesucristo es PURA VIDA!
Con mucho cariño,
Lindsey
For those who don't know, "pura vida" is a very common Costa Rican colloquialism. It is the most useful phrase I have ever heard, because it means "pure life" in English, and can be used in ANY situation. Examples:
You go to a restaurant, you enjoy a delicious meal, your stomach is bulging, you lean back and ponder whether or not you can get away with unbuttoning your pants in this establishment without getting dirty looks from the server, and someone at the table asks, "How was your food?" Your response: pura vida! (definition: the best thing I've ever had in my life!)
Or...you go to a restaurant, your server is unaware of your presence for the first 30 minutes, then after she finally takes your drink orders, she brings you Diet Coke instead of regular (like she's trying to tell you something), and then a cockroach crawls out of your undercooked hamburger...which really sucks, because it is supposedly a steak. You walk out disgusted and disgruntled, and a couple standing outside is trying to decide whether or not to dine there. "How is this place?" they ask you. Your response: pura vida. (definition: I'd rather undergo Chinese water torture than eat that so-called food again.)
You see, "life" is full of good and bad, wonderful and terrible, encouraging and depressing, and so saying something is "pure life" can mean anything, all that matters is your facial expression and inflection. Since you don't have the privilege of either of those through this medium, I'll try to supplement my usage of the phrase. But for a person like me, who often experiences the whole spectrum of human emotion in a single day, this phrase is particularly useful.
Three days ago I left Gilbert and returned to U of A in Tucson. Tucson is just as metropolitan as ever, by the way. It seems that when God was handing out the emotions, he tripped and spilled a triple portion all over me. The amount that I miss people who are close to me is particularly out of wack. What sucks about that is no one can relate. They can comfort me, and don't get me wrong, I appreciate that. A lot. But no one can relate to a selectively bipolar person like me. Well, I won't say "no one." That makes it sound like I think I am utterly unique, and that's not the case. I don't want to come off as some horribly misunderstood emo kid. My poetry isn't depressing enough. Or clique enough. But then that's a stereotype. I'm sure there is some quality emo poetry out there somewhere. Like...Poe. There you go. And King David on occasion. Ha, that's funny. But anyway, I apologize now for any sudden emotional profession I may make on this blog.
So I've been doing Desk Assistant training for the last two days. I'll be a Desk Assistant in Coronado this year, which is an elite group of suckers that work the only 24-hour dorm hall front desk on campus. But at least we get paid a smidge extra to do Guest Log on Thursday, Friday, and Saturday nights, and to do after hours any day of the week, plus working in a dorm of 800 residents, half of which are sorority girls, frat guys, and athletes promises some great stories. That's not just a raging stereotype talking, it is a proven fact corroborated by the many stories of the returners. So hopefully it'll give me something to blog about in the future, especially since this entry is becoming increasingly dull (a rare feat considering how boring it was at the beginning).
I'll bring this one to a close now, but I'll be back. No Terminator reference intended. I think I'll watch one more episode of The Office, and then I'll go buy text books and go grocery shopping. Alone. You know what that means? I'll probably talk to myself. I can't control it! Which is unfortunate, since it seems to be off-putting to many people. Oh well. :)
Jesucristo es PURA VIDA!
Con mucho cariño,
Lindsey
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