Yesterday was my first day as a college sophomore. By the end of the day, the only thing I was thoroughly convinced of is the fact that I shouldn't have to work midnight to 4 am on Mondays, so I emailed my boss. We'll see how that turns out...
My classes were uneventful. There was serious confusion as to where the costuming class was supposed to meet, so about 15 of us only caught the last 20 minutes of class. Afterward I hurried down to sign up for a crew, but unfortunately I wasn't alone in that pursuit. Consequently, the crew I signed up for, though it may cut it close and there is a (very) small chance that it may still be feasible, the reality is I probably won't get to audition for (let alone be in) a show this semester...again. It's just not fair. It's like I tell Kristen: her passion is like loving to play basketball, mine is like loving to play baseball. Hers can be fun and rewarding alone or with other people. Mine is not terribly fun and very limited without other people. Thankfully this semester I'll have an acting class, so that'll be something.
Speaking of acting class, today marks my first real acting class ever! In junior high, drama didn't teach you much apart from not peeing yourself on stage. In high school, I skipped right to the Performance class, where all we did was perform, and then I was also in some shows, where obviously all we did was perform, so I had some learning days and some technique along the way, but I've never had a concentrated learning experience in acting or acting technique. For all I know, I've been doing it wrong this whole time! So we'll see how that goes, I'm looking forward to it.
Anyway, after costuming I went to Literature of the Bible. It actually seems like the class will be cool, without being anti-Christian. At first I thought it would either be by a Christian, for Christians (an extremely unlikely situation considering how liberal my school is) or an anti-Christian crusade attempting to convince us that the Bible is fictional literature. However, the professor says he has literally been teaching at UA for longer than we've been alive, and it seems that he has the wisdom not to proselytize to us, unlike the uber-liberal TA's that I've had before.
My last class was Principles of Dramatic Structure, and we're going to read even more plays than I thought! We start out with Rum and Coke, which is not a very well known play, but it is the first play being performed this semester, so we have to read it and then see it. I get to watch all three mainstages for my class, and right after Rum and Coke we read/analyze Oedipus and Hamlet. Not like those are two of my favorite pieces of theatre or anything! I sound like a true-blue future English teacher when I talk about Hamlet! I'm very excited.
And today I will have Acting and Directing. Heh, rough day, right? Hopefully I didn't just jinx myself, I would really hate to actually have a rough day. My morning was already a little bit lame.
I had a weird dream, and all I really remember is that Kristen was directing a band of some kind, and I was playing her oboe. It was kind of awesome, for a second I realized why Kristen loves playing with ensembles so much! It was closely akin to what I feel when performing for an audience, but there was also a unique quality about it. It was very cool. It was also very uncool when I woke up. I looked around, and for the first couple seconds I didn't know where I was. I expected to be at home, and I expected to see Kristen. Neither was true, and that familiar heavy sensation that sends me right to the verge of tears settled itself in my chest.
I want what the Lord has for me in this season. I really just want what He has for me. I don't know what the Lord is doing, but I am in desperate need of more of Jesus. Not only that, but I need Jesus to help me receive all that He has for me. He is the God of comfort, the God of peace...the Word says "Be strong, and take heart, and wait for the Lord." I want to do that. I feel like all I do is try, and fail, to lean on Jesus. But He is gracious, and He loves me...I just desperately need Him to reveal that love to my heart in a new way, to make it real to me.
I shared this Joy Williams song with Kristen the other day, but it is how I feel:
"Are you listening
To anything that I say
'Cause I been praying
How many prayers can I pray
I'm still waiting
Maybe You'll show up today
I know You're here, but I can't feel You
And if You're speaking, I can't hear You
How much longer will this last?
So okay
Answer me with silence
It's okay if You don't say a word
You're testing me to trust You'll be faithful in this quiet
So okay
Answer me
With silence
Why do I question
Your intentions for me
When Your affection
Is a proven legacy
Oh Father, Father
Turn my fears into peace
I know Your love will never leave
I know You want what's best for me
You're testing me to trust You'll be faithful in this quiet
Oh, it's okay
If You answer me with silence
And it's okay if You don't say a word
You're testing me to trust You'll be faithful in this quiet
So okay
Answer me
With silence"
It absolutely expresses how I feel. It also ignites a need to write my own poetry again, so you may see that in the near future...
You know, it is interesting to watch the sun come up. Every time I look up, it is a little brighter outside. I'm told it'll get stranger as the winter approaches, because it'll stay darker longer.
Also, I think it is lame that it is so cold in these buildings. My dorm is the same way; it's like they're trying to compensate for how hot it gets outside, but then you practically need a jacket inside, but you're sweaty and heat-dazed outside. In other words, you just can't win! I wish I'd remembered my jacket. I've had goosebumps all morning.
I'm sitting here listening to 30 Rock and staring at 9 different flower arrangements. I guess people--parents, friends, significant others--are sending their respective Coro residents a little floral love. What a sweet sentiment! God has such creativity. These colors are so vibrant, and the shapes are so unique...imagine, none of this, not the colors in all their various shades, not the elegant rose-shape, or the whimsical carnation-shape, or the cheerful sunflower-shape, none of it existed until God spoke it into existence. Colors and shapes are manifestations of His person, His glory, His beauty, His magnificence. He is a good and wonderful God.
Well, I'll say goodbye for now.
"I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge--that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God." --Ephesians 3:16-19
That is my prayer for me, and that is my prayer for you. "Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen." --Ephesians 3: 20-21
And may we always know that God's power "is" at work within us, not "might be" at work within us. We belong to Him, and as long as we are in Jesus, He is at work within us, working for His good pleasure in our lives.
Jesucristo es PURA VIDA!
Love,
Lindsey
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