Yesterday, I had a meeting with my Acting and Directing teacher, Betsy. I've been trying to talk to everyone who will listen about whether or not I should audition for the BFA program.
In case you've forgotten or I never explained, let me give a brief explanation: in order to be a part of the BFA Acting program, you have to audition, and you can't double major, so if I wanted a degree in English and a BFA degree in Acting, I would have to double degree, which means another set of GenEds. Also, I would have to give up my other areas of study, Spanish and Creative Writing. And I probably would not be able to study abroad because the BFA is a rigid course load, and I'm already a year behind, so I'd be here for an extra year, a minimum of an extra two if I decided to double degree. However, only BFA actors (as opposed to BA Theatre Arts majors, which is what I am currently) can be in the main stage shows, and the main stage shows are some really awesome material. Also, there is a wide array of classes that only the BFA actors can take, such as Acting III - Acting VIII, and Shakespeare Acting, and all the Voice and Movement classes, etc.
When I talked to Carrie, my PODS teacher, she advised me not to become a BFA because I have other interests that I wouldn't want to give up, and I'd be behind in the program. Later that day, Carrie emailed me and told me I should take her Intro to Dramaturgy class next semester (dramaturgy is studying the text and the director's desired approach and helping make everything historically accurate and informed, and I think I would love it). Then when I talked to Betsy, I told her Carrie wanted me to take that class and she said, "You totally should. They're gonna try to poach you because you're smart, you've got great critical thinking skills. I know that from having you in Survey [of Directing]."
That was one of a couple times she told me I am smart. She also said that from the "teeny teeny tiny bit that I've seen of you in class" (she hasn't seen me do dialogue, only physical work), I apparently have "great commitment" to my decisions, and "more than meets the eye as a performer." She told me I have nothing to lose from auditioning for the BFA program, that if I'm passionate about something I should do it, and that she sees potential in me as a performer. She also told me I have too much potential to be a high school teacher, and that if I ever fall into teaching, I should at least be a professor.
All in all, one big ego boost for Lindsey. And that was wonderful, and I just had a big grin on my face as I walked away, but I try to be slightly wary of ego boosts. I don't want to get too into myself or what I am doing. I want God's will for my life because I know all that will really bring me joy in this world is what God has in store. Maybe all God has in store is for me to glorify Him and know Him more no matter where I am. Or maybe God's will for me is to get my degrees and then go be a missionary in Argentina. I have no idea, but I want His will. I don't want to get proud or self-focused, so that is my prayer.
However, I am 95% sure I am going to audition for the BFA program at the end of May. It is stupid for me to wonder about being in it when it isn't even actually an option until I get in. So I will audition, and if I get in, I will have a decision to make. If I don't, the decision is somewhat easier. In the mean time, I will try to focus on the day, and what I'm doing. I really want to enjoy this day that the Lord has given, and not worry about the future, but rather trust God with whatever He brings about. So that is also my prayer.
I think I'm too hard on myself. I think I have trouble just letting myself be content, because the reality is God is wanting to lead me by still waters, and I want to let Him. I want to know Him, and be satisfied in Him, so that the possibilities of the future only excite me, but don't worry me, or don't make me feel guilty when they do excite me.
This has really been the big dilemma going on in my life this week. I'm trying to think of something else to write about, but this has kind of occupied my brain and my time this week, especially since I'm working on Anne Frank. Side note: amazing show. I want to be in it one day!
So this has been a particularly boring entry, and for that I apologize. I'm tired, I'm not functioning completely. It's 5am, I'm at work, and I had the show last night...and I start rehearsals for my own show next week! Oh boy...well, it'll be fun!
I also haven't gotten to talk to anyone as much as I usually do this week, particularly Kristen. I want those of you to know that I love you and miss you very much.
Alright, I'll end on that note. May you and I always remember that, above all else, Jesucristo es PURA VIDA!
Love,
Lindsey
Saturday, October 10, 2009
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Hi, my name is: Random Person
Today, I sat down in the hallway of the theatre building to eat my $9 salad. Digression: HAMMER OF THOR! THAT IS TOO MUCH MONEY FOR RABBIT FOOD! As I sat munching and looking around, the guy who rides the floor-buffer-thingy came around the corner to clean that hallway. "Should I move?" I asked him. "No," he said genially, "I can just go around you." It was a lonely, pathetic, amusing picture: me, knees up to my chest, eating a salad with the custodian cleaning in a circle around me. The picture decreased on the pathetic-o-meter when several other people came and sat down as well. No one in particular, just some folks from my PODS class and a handful of others I don't know, plus one guy from the BFA Acting program who knew one of the other girls. As I listened to him talk, I thought again for about the millionth time about auditioning for the BFA program.
Eventually, I had to halt my musings to get up and go to class, and as I walked away, several people said bye, and then some kid said, "Bye random person!" Granted, this was an ill-fated attempt at humor, but it made me think. I don't want to be a random person in this department, I want it to be my niche. Or do I? Haha, congratulations, you are now privy to only the first layer of the smelly, sweaty tennis match that I've been having with myself on the matter.
During class, we did an exercise which required a partner. The student running the presentation said, "Grab a partner," and the guy next to me, Brad, grabbed my arm. I grabbed his arm in response, and then he gave me a warm side hug. This guy is like 6'2", scruffy little beard, like 22 years old, very handsome, very talented...ugh, he's a beautiful thing. But yet again, I digress...Brad and I have never really talked in class or anything, so I just thought it was sweet of him to be so welcoming to me and partner up when he knows several people in the class. He is one of the BFA actors. His very talented and awesome friend in that class, Chelsea, is as well.
Being backstage for Anne Frank, and getting to know the BFAs more now that I have classes with them, and taking Acting I, and meeting some of the teachers...all of these things contribute to the exhuming of my not-quite-dead desire to audition for the program.
After class, I sat on a chair outside my acting/directing teacher's room, contemplating my dilemma and wondering whether or not I should ask my teacher, Betsy, about it. As I sat, a girl named Erin, who is playing Anne Frank in the show, walked by and greeted me. I asked how she was feeling about tomorrow (opening night), and she expressed a lot of nervous excitement. She is great in the role, and a very sweet person. Then she asked who I was waiting for, and I said, "No one. I'm just thinking. I feel like I'm waiting for Godot." She laughed (I love when people get my jokes), and then we talked about my quandary. As it turns out, Betsy overheard me, and told me to come talk to her on Thursday when she isn't super busy. So now I inadvertently got an advising appointment from her, and I think I'm going to try to talk to Carrie (PODS instructor) tomorrow as well...I respect both of these women a lot.
Problems? Neither of them are Christians, and so I'm going to be missing that perspective...but way beyond that, if I audition, get in, and join the BFA program, I will not get out of here in four years. I don't know because I haven't asked, but I don't think my parents will want to pay for more than four years when the reason I'm here longer is because of Acting. PS - I would double degree. I'm not leaving without an English degree, because I really don't know yet what I want to do with my life, or rather what Jesus wants to do with my life.
My dad was 100% behind me adding a second minor, which surprised me, but he really like the idea of me doing Creative Writing. I think this possibility will go over, we'll say, a little less smoothly. And, I mean, I can audition for the BFA and if I don't get in, then that's solved (at least for a while, probably forever), and if I do get in but decide I shouldn't do it, I'll make an alternate very, very happy, and I'll know that I had the option. I won't live life wondering, I'll just live with my decision, which seems easier to me. And since, at the moment, I'm seriously considering it, I wouldn't feel guilty auditioning.
We'll see what happens after I talk to my advisor, Carrie, and Betsy...a lot can get shot down or changed around in an advisor meeting, so after three in two days, I might come out of this with a whole new take on things. Only time, and guidance from God, will tell.
Your prayers are appreciated, as are comments with your thoughts on the subject! Feel free to agree, disagree, supplement, or what have you...I'll take any kind of discussion I can get!
Peace in Jesus (because we are so much more than Random Person to Him!),
Lindsey
Eventually, I had to halt my musings to get up and go to class, and as I walked away, several people said bye, and then some kid said, "Bye random person!" Granted, this was an ill-fated attempt at humor, but it made me think. I don't want to be a random person in this department, I want it to be my niche. Or do I? Haha, congratulations, you are now privy to only the first layer of the smelly, sweaty tennis match that I've been having with myself on the matter.
During class, we did an exercise which required a partner. The student running the presentation said, "Grab a partner," and the guy next to me, Brad, grabbed my arm. I grabbed his arm in response, and then he gave me a warm side hug. This guy is like 6'2", scruffy little beard, like 22 years old, very handsome, very talented...ugh, he's a beautiful thing. But yet again, I digress...Brad and I have never really talked in class or anything, so I just thought it was sweet of him to be so welcoming to me and partner up when he knows several people in the class. He is one of the BFA actors. His very talented and awesome friend in that class, Chelsea, is as well.
Being backstage for Anne Frank, and getting to know the BFAs more now that I have classes with them, and taking Acting I, and meeting some of the teachers...all of these things contribute to the exhuming of my not-quite-dead desire to audition for the program.
After class, I sat on a chair outside my acting/directing teacher's room, contemplating my dilemma and wondering whether or not I should ask my teacher, Betsy, about it. As I sat, a girl named Erin, who is playing Anne Frank in the show, walked by and greeted me. I asked how she was feeling about tomorrow (opening night), and she expressed a lot of nervous excitement. She is great in the role, and a very sweet person. Then she asked who I was waiting for, and I said, "No one. I'm just thinking. I feel like I'm waiting for Godot." She laughed (I love when people get my jokes), and then we talked about my quandary. As it turns out, Betsy overheard me, and told me to come talk to her on Thursday when she isn't super busy. So now I inadvertently got an advising appointment from her, and I think I'm going to try to talk to Carrie (PODS instructor) tomorrow as well...I respect both of these women a lot.
Problems? Neither of them are Christians, and so I'm going to be missing that perspective...but way beyond that, if I audition, get in, and join the BFA program, I will not get out of here in four years. I don't know because I haven't asked, but I don't think my parents will want to pay for more than four years when the reason I'm here longer is because of Acting. PS - I would double degree. I'm not leaving without an English degree, because I really don't know yet what I want to do with my life, or rather what Jesus wants to do with my life.
My dad was 100% behind me adding a second minor, which surprised me, but he really like the idea of me doing Creative Writing. I think this possibility will go over, we'll say, a little less smoothly. And, I mean, I can audition for the BFA and if I don't get in, then that's solved (at least for a while, probably forever), and if I do get in but decide I shouldn't do it, I'll make an alternate very, very happy, and I'll know that I had the option. I won't live life wondering, I'll just live with my decision, which seems easier to me. And since, at the moment, I'm seriously considering it, I wouldn't feel guilty auditioning.
We'll see what happens after I talk to my advisor, Carrie, and Betsy...a lot can get shot down or changed around in an advisor meeting, so after three in two days, I might come out of this with a whole new take on things. Only time, and guidance from God, will tell.
Your prayers are appreciated, as are comments with your thoughts on the subject! Feel free to agree, disagree, supplement, or what have you...I'll take any kind of discussion I can get!
Peace in Jesus (because we are so much more than Random Person to Him!),
Lindsey
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