Yesterday, I had a meeting with my Acting and Directing teacher, Betsy. I've been trying to talk to everyone who will listen about whether or not I should audition for the BFA program.
In case you've forgotten or I never explained, let me give a brief explanation: in order to be a part of the BFA Acting program, you have to audition, and you can't double major, so if I wanted a degree in English and a BFA degree in Acting, I would have to double degree, which means another set of GenEds. Also, I would have to give up my other areas of study, Spanish and Creative Writing. And I probably would not be able to study abroad because the BFA is a rigid course load, and I'm already a year behind, so I'd be here for an extra year, a minimum of an extra two if I decided to double degree. However, only BFA actors (as opposed to BA Theatre Arts majors, which is what I am currently) can be in the main stage shows, and the main stage shows are some really awesome material. Also, there is a wide array of classes that only the BFA actors can take, such as Acting III - Acting VIII, and Shakespeare Acting, and all the Voice and Movement classes, etc.
When I talked to Carrie, my PODS teacher, she advised me not to become a BFA because I have other interests that I wouldn't want to give up, and I'd be behind in the program. Later that day, Carrie emailed me and told me I should take her Intro to Dramaturgy class next semester (dramaturgy is studying the text and the director's desired approach and helping make everything historically accurate and informed, and I think I would love it). Then when I talked to Betsy, I told her Carrie wanted me to take that class and she said, "You totally should. They're gonna try to poach you because you're smart, you've got great critical thinking skills. I know that from having you in Survey [of Directing]."
That was one of a couple times she told me I am smart. She also said that from the "teeny teeny tiny bit that I've seen of you in class" (she hasn't seen me do dialogue, only physical work), I apparently have "great commitment" to my decisions, and "more than meets the eye as a performer." She told me I have nothing to lose from auditioning for the BFA program, that if I'm passionate about something I should do it, and that she sees potential in me as a performer. She also told me I have too much potential to be a high school teacher, and that if I ever fall into teaching, I should at least be a professor.
All in all, one big ego boost for Lindsey. And that was wonderful, and I just had a big grin on my face as I walked away, but I try to be slightly wary of ego boosts. I don't want to get too into myself or what I am doing. I want God's will for my life because I know all that will really bring me joy in this world is what God has in store. Maybe all God has in store is for me to glorify Him and know Him more no matter where I am. Or maybe God's will for me is to get my degrees and then go be a missionary in Argentina. I have no idea, but I want His will. I don't want to get proud or self-focused, so that is my prayer.
However, I am 95% sure I am going to audition for the BFA program at the end of May. It is stupid for me to wonder about being in it when it isn't even actually an option until I get in. So I will audition, and if I get in, I will have a decision to make. If I don't, the decision is somewhat easier. In the mean time, I will try to focus on the day, and what I'm doing. I really want to enjoy this day that the Lord has given, and not worry about the future, but rather trust God with whatever He brings about. So that is also my prayer.
I think I'm too hard on myself. I think I have trouble just letting myself be content, because the reality is God is wanting to lead me by still waters, and I want to let Him. I want to know Him, and be satisfied in Him, so that the possibilities of the future only excite me, but don't worry me, or don't make me feel guilty when they do excite me.
This has really been the big dilemma going on in my life this week. I'm trying to think of something else to write about, but this has kind of occupied my brain and my time this week, especially since I'm working on Anne Frank. Side note: amazing show. I want to be in it one day!
So this has been a particularly boring entry, and for that I apologize. I'm tired, I'm not functioning completely. It's 5am, I'm at work, and I had the show last night...and I start rehearsals for my own show next week! Oh boy...well, it'll be fun!
I also haven't gotten to talk to anyone as much as I usually do this week, particularly Kristen. I want those of you to know that I love you and miss you very much.
Alright, I'll end on that note. May you and I always remember that, above all else, Jesucristo es PURA VIDA!
Love,
Lindsey
Saturday, October 10, 2009
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Hi, my name is: Random Person
Today, I sat down in the hallway of the theatre building to eat my $9 salad. Digression: HAMMER OF THOR! THAT IS TOO MUCH MONEY FOR RABBIT FOOD! As I sat munching and looking around, the guy who rides the floor-buffer-thingy came around the corner to clean that hallway. "Should I move?" I asked him. "No," he said genially, "I can just go around you." It was a lonely, pathetic, amusing picture: me, knees up to my chest, eating a salad with the custodian cleaning in a circle around me. The picture decreased on the pathetic-o-meter when several other people came and sat down as well. No one in particular, just some folks from my PODS class and a handful of others I don't know, plus one guy from the BFA Acting program who knew one of the other girls. As I listened to him talk, I thought again for about the millionth time about auditioning for the BFA program.
Eventually, I had to halt my musings to get up and go to class, and as I walked away, several people said bye, and then some kid said, "Bye random person!" Granted, this was an ill-fated attempt at humor, but it made me think. I don't want to be a random person in this department, I want it to be my niche. Or do I? Haha, congratulations, you are now privy to only the first layer of the smelly, sweaty tennis match that I've been having with myself on the matter.
During class, we did an exercise which required a partner. The student running the presentation said, "Grab a partner," and the guy next to me, Brad, grabbed my arm. I grabbed his arm in response, and then he gave me a warm side hug. This guy is like 6'2", scruffy little beard, like 22 years old, very handsome, very talented...ugh, he's a beautiful thing. But yet again, I digress...Brad and I have never really talked in class or anything, so I just thought it was sweet of him to be so welcoming to me and partner up when he knows several people in the class. He is one of the BFA actors. His very talented and awesome friend in that class, Chelsea, is as well.
Being backstage for Anne Frank, and getting to know the BFAs more now that I have classes with them, and taking Acting I, and meeting some of the teachers...all of these things contribute to the exhuming of my not-quite-dead desire to audition for the program.
After class, I sat on a chair outside my acting/directing teacher's room, contemplating my dilemma and wondering whether or not I should ask my teacher, Betsy, about it. As I sat, a girl named Erin, who is playing Anne Frank in the show, walked by and greeted me. I asked how she was feeling about tomorrow (opening night), and she expressed a lot of nervous excitement. She is great in the role, and a very sweet person. Then she asked who I was waiting for, and I said, "No one. I'm just thinking. I feel like I'm waiting for Godot." She laughed (I love when people get my jokes), and then we talked about my quandary. As it turns out, Betsy overheard me, and told me to come talk to her on Thursday when she isn't super busy. So now I inadvertently got an advising appointment from her, and I think I'm going to try to talk to Carrie (PODS instructor) tomorrow as well...I respect both of these women a lot.
Problems? Neither of them are Christians, and so I'm going to be missing that perspective...but way beyond that, if I audition, get in, and join the BFA program, I will not get out of here in four years. I don't know because I haven't asked, but I don't think my parents will want to pay for more than four years when the reason I'm here longer is because of Acting. PS - I would double degree. I'm not leaving without an English degree, because I really don't know yet what I want to do with my life, or rather what Jesus wants to do with my life.
My dad was 100% behind me adding a second minor, which surprised me, but he really like the idea of me doing Creative Writing. I think this possibility will go over, we'll say, a little less smoothly. And, I mean, I can audition for the BFA and if I don't get in, then that's solved (at least for a while, probably forever), and if I do get in but decide I shouldn't do it, I'll make an alternate very, very happy, and I'll know that I had the option. I won't live life wondering, I'll just live with my decision, which seems easier to me. And since, at the moment, I'm seriously considering it, I wouldn't feel guilty auditioning.
We'll see what happens after I talk to my advisor, Carrie, and Betsy...a lot can get shot down or changed around in an advisor meeting, so after three in two days, I might come out of this with a whole new take on things. Only time, and guidance from God, will tell.
Your prayers are appreciated, as are comments with your thoughts on the subject! Feel free to agree, disagree, supplement, or what have you...I'll take any kind of discussion I can get!
Peace in Jesus (because we are so much more than Random Person to Him!),
Lindsey
Eventually, I had to halt my musings to get up and go to class, and as I walked away, several people said bye, and then some kid said, "Bye random person!" Granted, this was an ill-fated attempt at humor, but it made me think. I don't want to be a random person in this department, I want it to be my niche. Or do I? Haha, congratulations, you are now privy to only the first layer of the smelly, sweaty tennis match that I've been having with myself on the matter.
During class, we did an exercise which required a partner. The student running the presentation said, "Grab a partner," and the guy next to me, Brad, grabbed my arm. I grabbed his arm in response, and then he gave me a warm side hug. This guy is like 6'2", scruffy little beard, like 22 years old, very handsome, very talented...ugh, he's a beautiful thing. But yet again, I digress...Brad and I have never really talked in class or anything, so I just thought it was sweet of him to be so welcoming to me and partner up when he knows several people in the class. He is one of the BFA actors. His very talented and awesome friend in that class, Chelsea, is as well.
Being backstage for Anne Frank, and getting to know the BFAs more now that I have classes with them, and taking Acting I, and meeting some of the teachers...all of these things contribute to the exhuming of my not-quite-dead desire to audition for the program.
After class, I sat on a chair outside my acting/directing teacher's room, contemplating my dilemma and wondering whether or not I should ask my teacher, Betsy, about it. As I sat, a girl named Erin, who is playing Anne Frank in the show, walked by and greeted me. I asked how she was feeling about tomorrow (opening night), and she expressed a lot of nervous excitement. She is great in the role, and a very sweet person. Then she asked who I was waiting for, and I said, "No one. I'm just thinking. I feel like I'm waiting for Godot." She laughed (I love when people get my jokes), and then we talked about my quandary. As it turns out, Betsy overheard me, and told me to come talk to her on Thursday when she isn't super busy. So now I inadvertently got an advising appointment from her, and I think I'm going to try to talk to Carrie (PODS instructor) tomorrow as well...I respect both of these women a lot.
Problems? Neither of them are Christians, and so I'm going to be missing that perspective...but way beyond that, if I audition, get in, and join the BFA program, I will not get out of here in four years. I don't know because I haven't asked, but I don't think my parents will want to pay for more than four years when the reason I'm here longer is because of Acting. PS - I would double degree. I'm not leaving without an English degree, because I really don't know yet what I want to do with my life, or rather what Jesus wants to do with my life.
My dad was 100% behind me adding a second minor, which surprised me, but he really like the idea of me doing Creative Writing. I think this possibility will go over, we'll say, a little less smoothly. And, I mean, I can audition for the BFA and if I don't get in, then that's solved (at least for a while, probably forever), and if I do get in but decide I shouldn't do it, I'll make an alternate very, very happy, and I'll know that I had the option. I won't live life wondering, I'll just live with my decision, which seems easier to me. And since, at the moment, I'm seriously considering it, I wouldn't feel guilty auditioning.
We'll see what happens after I talk to my advisor, Carrie, and Betsy...a lot can get shot down or changed around in an advisor meeting, so after three in two days, I might come out of this with a whole new take on things. Only time, and guidance from God, will tell.
Your prayers are appreciated, as are comments with your thoughts on the subject! Feel free to agree, disagree, supplement, or what have you...I'll take any kind of discussion I can get!
Peace in Jesus (because we are so much more than Random Person to Him!),
Lindsey
Friday, September 11, 2009
So many things, none of which I remember.
There have been several times this week that I said to myself, "That was blog worthy." Do I remember any of them? Nope, not really. So were they really blog worthy? Perhaps, perhaps not. At any rate, we'll see what I can remember since my last post...
Went home this weekend, got to miss out on my Monday, which was fantastic. Didn't have to go to costuming lab, which gives me some extra time to perfect the hand stitches from last week (when I say "perfect" what I really mean is "try not to suck at"). I got to see Emily playing drums, which was awesome. Now we know what she'll be doing when we do street performances all over Europe the summer we go backpacking after college.
I got to see a majority of the Zehnders, which was wonderful! I look forward to Deanna coming to not-APU, also known as better-than-ASU, best known as U of A (additional nicknames include spitting-distance-from-a-third-world-country, unfortunately-not-as-cool-as-Yale, Playboy-top-five-party-schools, and source-of-general-awesomeness).
Speaking of next year, I really think I'll try to spend the first semester in Spain. My only concern: can I handle that? My answer: I assume so, since I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me! :)
I had callbacks for the UA fall studio series last night. The show is called "In Conflict," a show about young Iraqi war vets based on a book of interviews, so it is a lot of monologues from various characters. I think they went well. I had fun, and when we came out, a girl named Carly (she's in my acting class, and was the best one in there, in my opinion...I'm not even bothering to include myself in that mix, because I suck at objectively examining my own performances) told me she thought I did well. Actually, her exact words were, "Gosh girl, stop being so good!" as she hit my shoulder with her script. So that was nice! I think part of it is I'm really just trusting the Lord and having fun, so I wasn't nervous, and I was making choices with the characters. Just a good experience overall. I'll let you know how it pans out! (I love talking like more than three people read this. :D)
I'm heading home this weekend for my mom's birthday, which is on Sunday. Consequently it is also Kristen's birthday, but the 9-hour haul to Azusa is not one I can pencil in; I've got a staff meeting Sunday night, and I work tomorrow morning. Sorry Kris, I guess you'll just have to live without me. I know it'll be hard, but you can do it.
After that, I won't return home again until my birthday, and then only for a very short time. I'll have costume crew the night before my birthday until midnight, and I'll have rehearsal the day after as well. Thankfully, they scheduled a "Day of Rest" on my birthday, which of course is subject to change, but provided it remains a day of rest, and provided someone takes my 4am-8am shift that day, then I'll get to drive home, spend a little time at home with my parents, go see Emily's show because A) of course I'm going to see it and B) it's the only way I'll get to see her on my birthday. I probably won't see my other relatives, or Donna, or Beth, and I definitely won't get to see Kristen...basically my 20th birthday will be an abrupt introduction to adult birthdays, where life goes on, and often there is very little to-do about your birthday. And then my 21st birthday will probably be in Spain, so I've got a pattern developing already. Maybe I'll have some awesome fiesta in Spain next year...hmmm...
That reminds me, I'm supposed to go buy my birthday presents. Yeah, my folks want me to pick the keyboard and webcam that I want, so they asked if I would hate to buy them myself at a Best Buy or something in Tucson and then just let them pay for them. Again, rather festive, isn't it?
Well, I should do some cleaning before I go to bed. I've got work in the wee hours, and then I'll chill for a bit before I head home.
As always, Jesucristo es PURA VIDA!
Love,
Lindsey
Went home this weekend, got to miss out on my Monday, which was fantastic. Didn't have to go to costuming lab, which gives me some extra time to perfect the hand stitches from last week (when I say "perfect" what I really mean is "try not to suck at"). I got to see Emily playing drums, which was awesome. Now we know what she'll be doing when we do street performances all over Europe the summer we go backpacking after college.
I got to see a majority of the Zehnders, which was wonderful! I look forward to Deanna coming to not-APU, also known as better-than-ASU, best known as U of A (additional nicknames include spitting-distance-from-a-third-world-country, unfortunately-not-as-cool-as-Yale, Playboy-top-five-party-schools, and source-of-general-awesomeness).
Speaking of next year, I really think I'll try to spend the first semester in Spain. My only concern: can I handle that? My answer: I assume so, since I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me! :)
I had callbacks for the UA fall studio series last night. The show is called "In Conflict," a show about young Iraqi war vets based on a book of interviews, so it is a lot of monologues from various characters. I think they went well. I had fun, and when we came out, a girl named Carly (she's in my acting class, and was the best one in there, in my opinion...I'm not even bothering to include myself in that mix, because I suck at objectively examining my own performances) told me she thought I did well. Actually, her exact words were, "Gosh girl, stop being so good!" as she hit my shoulder with her script. So that was nice! I think part of it is I'm really just trusting the Lord and having fun, so I wasn't nervous, and I was making choices with the characters. Just a good experience overall. I'll let you know how it pans out! (I love talking like more than three people read this. :D)
I'm heading home this weekend for my mom's birthday, which is on Sunday. Consequently it is also Kristen's birthday, but the 9-hour haul to Azusa is not one I can pencil in; I've got a staff meeting Sunday night, and I work tomorrow morning. Sorry Kris, I guess you'll just have to live without me. I know it'll be hard, but you can do it.
After that, I won't return home again until my birthday, and then only for a very short time. I'll have costume crew the night before my birthday until midnight, and I'll have rehearsal the day after as well. Thankfully, they scheduled a "Day of Rest" on my birthday, which of course is subject to change, but provided it remains a day of rest, and provided someone takes my 4am-8am shift that day, then I'll get to drive home, spend a little time at home with my parents, go see Emily's show because A) of course I'm going to see it and B) it's the only way I'll get to see her on my birthday. I probably won't see my other relatives, or Donna, or Beth, and I definitely won't get to see Kristen...basically my 20th birthday will be an abrupt introduction to adult birthdays, where life goes on, and often there is very little to-do about your birthday. And then my 21st birthday will probably be in Spain, so I've got a pattern developing already. Maybe I'll have some awesome fiesta in Spain next year...hmmm...
That reminds me, I'm supposed to go buy my birthday presents. Yeah, my folks want me to pick the keyboard and webcam that I want, so they asked if I would hate to buy them myself at a Best Buy or something in Tucson and then just let them pay for them. Again, rather festive, isn't it?
Well, I should do some cleaning before I go to bed. I've got work in the wee hours, and then I'll chill for a bit before I head home.
As always, Jesucristo es PURA VIDA!
Love,
Lindsey
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
This isn't goodbye, but it isn't hello either.
Today, I finished classes and my preceptor meeting and everything else that was 100% necessary for me to complete here in Tucson at 2:00pm. It takes 2 hours maximum to travel to Gilbert from the afore mentioned Tucson. Kristen has yet to leave Gilbert. I have not seen Kristen in 3 weeks, and although that is not a very long thing even in the semi-grand scheme of things, it has been hard for me. What can I say? She's my best friend, and I miss her.
"Lindsey, if all of that is true, then why are you blogging right now when you could be saying a heartfelt farewell to your best friend?"
That is an excellent question. Answer: Coronado. More specifically, the glorious 4am to 8am shift tomorrow morning. That shift stands between me and Kristen, not to mention me and my Labor Day weekend (the only vacation between now and Thanksgiving, which is a travesty, and will no doubt be a soapbox I'll mount in the near future), and me and everything else near and dear to me in Gilbert, albeit only for an extra 18 hours or so.
"But Lindsey, at least you're getting some good stories from Coronado, right? I mean, it's Coronado!"
You might think that, but unfortunately any good story subjects that live in Coronado have either returned home to pass out or have passed out in a less advantageous location by 4am, so I see about two people between the hours of 4 and 6, and then come the crazy joggers.
Ironic life happening: three Kristens. Yep, three. There is Kris, my former neighbor and friend down here at UA. There is Krys, one of the other members of my directing group down here at UA. And there is Kristen, who lives on the floor below me and hangs out with Jackie (my roommate), Hailey (our neighbor), myself, and often others from third floor Yavapai, down here at UA. Clearly God is trying to fill a very specific void in my life. Newsflash: it's not working.
Anyway, I guess I can stop complaining now. Just in case my message was too subtle: I miss Kristen.
Side note: I really hope I get to see Emily this weekend. That would be amazing. I miss her so much too, but God in His mercy has placed her much closer to me!
Let's change the subject, ok? So, I think maybe my problem finding a man is that I've been looking in the United States. The other night, Jackie and I went to the Verizon store because her phone broke (PS - I love technology, and tremble at the thought of ever living without it. The Amish are freaking crazy). There was a guy standing at the counter while the girl and guy he was with talked to the sales representative. He was thin, not fit, but not skinny, about 20 year old, neat hair cut, tattoo on his arm. He turned and saw us, and said to me, "How can you let her out wearing that?" At this point in the story, you would probably think he was gay, except that Jackie was wearing a Texans football jersey, and he was not a fan. He started talking to Jackie, discussing his time living in Texas before he moved to Tucson (he was trying to escape the suffocating small town life, so Tucson was the clear choice). He made an off-handed comment about "trippin' while [he] was walking down 4th street" that I didn't catch at the time, but Jackie did, and surmised that he was a druggie. Quick ears, that one. Anyway, as the conversation continued, we discovered that he does not go to the U of A or even to Pima Community College, and so clearly Jackie and I had to wonder what motivates a 20-something year old with no degree and probably no job to move to Tucson, Arizona. We settled on drug dealer. Anyway, after the people he was with started toward the door, he turned to go, saying, "Well, see ya..." but then he added, "Actually, do you guys party? Because my friends and I are looking for something to do tonight." Heh, yeah, looking for "someone" is more like it. We said no, he shrugged, and left.
Ok, so he was Subject A. An example of all that is wrong with American youth. It is ridiculous that he would even ask two strangers he didn't know if they want to go party (a poor man's Romeo and Juliet story), but unfortunately the fact that he asked demonstrates that there are a fair number of girls out there that would have said, "Yeah!" as they flipped back their straight blond hair in a shamelessly flirtatious fashion and bounced out the door behind him, a night of drugs and date rape ahead of them. But then, is it date rape if he doesn't buy dinner first?
Subject B: The other day after costuming lab, I was walking to the Student Union. I was the picture of loveliness: sweaty, hair in a messy pony tail, and only what little remained of the make-up from that morning (undoubtedly a very little). I was stopped by an Indian guy whose name I now cannot remember, and he asked me where the Student Union was. I told him I was walking that way (it was just around the corner), and thus pointed out the approximate location as we walked the few paces until it came into view. "What's your major?" he asked me, and I told him (keep in mind, he skipped asking my name entirely). "What's yours?" I asked, and he answered something involving computers (his thick accent + my lack of knowledge about computer science = I didn't catch the exact title). "Are you from Arizona?" he asked me, and I explained where I live. "You?" I asked, knowing the answer was very likely "No." It was. Apparently he had only been in the US for 15 days. Then I asked his name, and we introduced ourselves. Just as I finished saying, "Nice to meet you," he said, "You have very pretty eyes." I thanked him, we said our see-you-arounds and parted ways.
In conclusion: foreign guys are nicer, and clearly he has a more lucrative future than Verizon guy. Well, I don't know, the drug business may pay well, but there are a few too many caveats for my liking. So I guess I'm moving to a different country. Any thoughts on where I should go? I don't actually want to move to India. I have a feeling karma would make me crave a hamburger the second my plane touched down. So where?
On an entirely different note, I had an amazing day in Directing class on Thursday. Oddly, this is after Directing class inadvertently put me in a serious funk on Tuesday. In a nutshell (because I am so good at being concise): I was questioning my choice to be in theatre, questioning my enthusiasm, wondered if I'd been lying to myself about my passion and desired direction in life, felt I was completely unimpressive in this, my chosen field, and so on. I felt so oddly melancholy that I took a nap. I intended to sleep for about an hour to rejuvenate myself, but I ended up conking out for four hours, and when I woke up I thought it was Wednesday morning. So Tuesday was pretty much shot.
I tried to bring my issues before the Lord, and submit my future to Him. Whatever his purpose for me in theatre is, that is what I want. If it is to meet one person and tell them about Jesus, and not a thing more, then so be it. If I am no better than mediocre, that is because God made me that way, and if he intended me to be the next Meryl Streep, he would have made me that way instead.
This in mind, I was marginally encouraged by Thursday when I arrived again at Directing class. Each group was given the task of forming a scene around two lines, and these were the only two lines that could be spoken in the scene. Furthermore, we were given six pairs of lines, and we had to chose from those on the list. I came up with an idea for the lines, "I need you," and "Just a minute." It became a commentary on life and how we go through the motions being self-centered and failing to see, acknowledge, and love the people around us. It started with a pregnant woman and an inattentive husband, and spiralled through the years until the two kids are grown and the husband leaves the wife. The entire time, our fifth group member kept a beat similar to a clock ticking or a heart beat in the background.
After we did our scene for the class, Betsy (our teacher) asked the class their thoughts. We got positive feedback, but what really sent me through the roof was Betsy's own comments: "I thought it was excellent." She continued to say how the many different uses of the two lines was excellent, how the staging was excellent, the beat in the background was excellent...excellent was the prevailing descriptive word. She loved it, and it was my idea. This, to say the least, made my day.
As I was walking away from class, I let the grin I had fought for the rest of class break across my face. And I thought of something, or rather the Lord pointed something out: one of the other groups did something sexual, another group did something very abstract, and the other two groups weren't really memorable. But mine was the best, and I didn't have to do anything that didn't glorify God to do it. It was a married couple with problems, a family in turmoil. It was real drama, nothing sensationalist or shocking, just raw truth. So if God has a place for me in Hollywood, he can carve it out for me. I don't have to compromise what I believe to do it. And if it isn't His will, then I don't want it, and I'll just enjoy what theatre He does have me do.
I say that, but it doesn't mean those old discouragements won't come back from time to time. But now I've committed this to cyber-paper, so helpfully I can gain perspective quicker next time.
This has been a horribly long post, and alas my laundry still isn't finished. I started it when I started this post, and now the post is over, I've gone through 4 episodes of The Office (commercial free is the way to be!), and my butt is numb from the concrete floor...but still 11 minutes left on the dryer. Oh well, I won't subject you to 11 more minutes of my rambling.
Thank you if you even made it this far. I don't expect anyone to, but I appreciate it if you do.
Recuerde, Jesucristo es PURA VIDA!
Love,
Lindsey
"Lindsey, if all of that is true, then why are you blogging right now when you could be saying a heartfelt farewell to your best friend?"
That is an excellent question. Answer: Coronado. More specifically, the glorious 4am to 8am shift tomorrow morning. That shift stands between me and Kristen, not to mention me and my Labor Day weekend (the only vacation between now and Thanksgiving, which is a travesty, and will no doubt be a soapbox I'll mount in the near future), and me and everything else near and dear to me in Gilbert, albeit only for an extra 18 hours or so.
"But Lindsey, at least you're getting some good stories from Coronado, right? I mean, it's Coronado!"
You might think that, but unfortunately any good story subjects that live in Coronado have either returned home to pass out or have passed out in a less advantageous location by 4am, so I see about two people between the hours of 4 and 6, and then come the crazy joggers.
Ironic life happening: three Kristens. Yep, three. There is Kris, my former neighbor and friend down here at UA. There is Krys, one of the other members of my directing group down here at UA. And there is Kristen, who lives on the floor below me and hangs out with Jackie (my roommate), Hailey (our neighbor), myself, and often others from third floor Yavapai, down here at UA. Clearly God is trying to fill a very specific void in my life. Newsflash: it's not working.
Anyway, I guess I can stop complaining now. Just in case my message was too subtle: I miss Kristen.
Side note: I really hope I get to see Emily this weekend. That would be amazing. I miss her so much too, but God in His mercy has placed her much closer to me!
Let's change the subject, ok? So, I think maybe my problem finding a man is that I've been looking in the United States. The other night, Jackie and I went to the Verizon store because her phone broke (PS - I love technology, and tremble at the thought of ever living without it. The Amish are freaking crazy). There was a guy standing at the counter while the girl and guy he was with talked to the sales representative. He was thin, not fit, but not skinny, about 20 year old, neat hair cut, tattoo on his arm. He turned and saw us, and said to me, "How can you let her out wearing that?" At this point in the story, you would probably think he was gay, except that Jackie was wearing a Texans football jersey, and he was not a fan. He started talking to Jackie, discussing his time living in Texas before he moved to Tucson (he was trying to escape the suffocating small town life, so Tucson was the clear choice). He made an off-handed comment about "trippin' while [he] was walking down 4th street" that I didn't catch at the time, but Jackie did, and surmised that he was a druggie. Quick ears, that one. Anyway, as the conversation continued, we discovered that he does not go to the U of A or even to Pima Community College, and so clearly Jackie and I had to wonder what motivates a 20-something year old with no degree and probably no job to move to Tucson, Arizona. We settled on drug dealer. Anyway, after the people he was with started toward the door, he turned to go, saying, "Well, see ya..." but then he added, "Actually, do you guys party? Because my friends and I are looking for something to do tonight." Heh, yeah, looking for "someone" is more like it. We said no, he shrugged, and left.
Ok, so he was Subject A. An example of all that is wrong with American youth. It is ridiculous that he would even ask two strangers he didn't know if they want to go party (a poor man's Romeo and Juliet story), but unfortunately the fact that he asked demonstrates that there are a fair number of girls out there that would have said, "Yeah!" as they flipped back their straight blond hair in a shamelessly flirtatious fashion and bounced out the door behind him, a night of drugs and date rape ahead of them. But then, is it date rape if he doesn't buy dinner first?
Subject B: The other day after costuming lab, I was walking to the Student Union. I was the picture of loveliness: sweaty, hair in a messy pony tail, and only what little remained of the make-up from that morning (undoubtedly a very little). I was stopped by an Indian guy whose name I now cannot remember, and he asked me where the Student Union was. I told him I was walking that way (it was just around the corner), and thus pointed out the approximate location as we walked the few paces until it came into view. "What's your major?" he asked me, and I told him (keep in mind, he skipped asking my name entirely). "What's yours?" I asked, and he answered something involving computers (his thick accent + my lack of knowledge about computer science = I didn't catch the exact title). "Are you from Arizona?" he asked me, and I explained where I live. "You?" I asked, knowing the answer was very likely "No." It was. Apparently he had only been in the US for 15 days. Then I asked his name, and we introduced ourselves. Just as I finished saying, "Nice to meet you," he said, "You have very pretty eyes." I thanked him, we said our see-you-arounds and parted ways.
In conclusion: foreign guys are nicer, and clearly he has a more lucrative future than Verizon guy. Well, I don't know, the drug business may pay well, but there are a few too many caveats for my liking. So I guess I'm moving to a different country. Any thoughts on where I should go? I don't actually want to move to India. I have a feeling karma would make me crave a hamburger the second my plane touched down. So where?
On an entirely different note, I had an amazing day in Directing class on Thursday. Oddly, this is after Directing class inadvertently put me in a serious funk on Tuesday. In a nutshell (because I am so good at being concise): I was questioning my choice to be in theatre, questioning my enthusiasm, wondered if I'd been lying to myself about my passion and desired direction in life, felt I was completely unimpressive in this, my chosen field, and so on. I felt so oddly melancholy that I took a nap. I intended to sleep for about an hour to rejuvenate myself, but I ended up conking out for four hours, and when I woke up I thought it was Wednesday morning. So Tuesday was pretty much shot.
I tried to bring my issues before the Lord, and submit my future to Him. Whatever his purpose for me in theatre is, that is what I want. If it is to meet one person and tell them about Jesus, and not a thing more, then so be it. If I am no better than mediocre, that is because God made me that way, and if he intended me to be the next Meryl Streep, he would have made me that way instead.
This in mind, I was marginally encouraged by Thursday when I arrived again at Directing class. Each group was given the task of forming a scene around two lines, and these were the only two lines that could be spoken in the scene. Furthermore, we were given six pairs of lines, and we had to chose from those on the list. I came up with an idea for the lines, "I need you," and "Just a minute." It became a commentary on life and how we go through the motions being self-centered and failing to see, acknowledge, and love the people around us. It started with a pregnant woman and an inattentive husband, and spiralled through the years until the two kids are grown and the husband leaves the wife. The entire time, our fifth group member kept a beat similar to a clock ticking or a heart beat in the background.
After we did our scene for the class, Betsy (our teacher) asked the class their thoughts. We got positive feedback, but what really sent me through the roof was Betsy's own comments: "I thought it was excellent." She continued to say how the many different uses of the two lines was excellent, how the staging was excellent, the beat in the background was excellent...excellent was the prevailing descriptive word. She loved it, and it was my idea. This, to say the least, made my day.
As I was walking away from class, I let the grin I had fought for the rest of class break across my face. And I thought of something, or rather the Lord pointed something out: one of the other groups did something sexual, another group did something very abstract, and the other two groups weren't really memorable. But mine was the best, and I didn't have to do anything that didn't glorify God to do it. It was a married couple with problems, a family in turmoil. It was real drama, nothing sensationalist or shocking, just raw truth. So if God has a place for me in Hollywood, he can carve it out for me. I don't have to compromise what I believe to do it. And if it isn't His will, then I don't want it, and I'll just enjoy what theatre He does have me do.
I say that, but it doesn't mean those old discouragements won't come back from time to time. But now I've committed this to cyber-paper, so helpfully I can gain perspective quicker next time.
This has been a horribly long post, and alas my laundry still isn't finished. I started it when I started this post, and now the post is over, I've gone through 4 episodes of The Office (commercial free is the way to be!), and my butt is numb from the concrete floor...but still 11 minutes left on the dryer. Oh well, I won't subject you to 11 more minutes of my rambling.
Thank you if you even made it this far. I don't expect anyone to, but I appreciate it if you do.
Recuerde, Jesucristo es PURA VIDA!
Love,
Lindsey
Thursday, August 27, 2009
What would reality be without fiction?
She sat on her bed, shoulders slumped forward, her legs folded loosely in front of her. A Bible lay open on her lap, but she couldn't focus. The house was full of deafening quiet, daring her to speak, to even utter a whisper. She chanced it: "Oh God..." Nothing happened. Setting aside her Bible and outstreching her legs, she rested her head on the wooden bed frame. Soon this became intollerably uncomfortable, and she scooted down onto her back and stared up at the familiar valted ceiling. Her posters and paint and wallpaper, her pictures of friends and family, her stuffed animals arranged neatly on the ledge above her closet...she surveyed all these before finally closing her eyes. This only made matters worse. Countless scenes flashed through her mind, and when she opened her eyes again, tears that had gathered in her eyelashed fell as she blinked and streamed down her cheecks. Immediately she removed her glasses, placing them on top of her Bible, and pressed her palms against her eyes.
Suddenly, a brilliant light filled the room, and her view of everything in it was momentarily marred. She sat up, put her glasses back on, and slung her legs over the side of the bed, waiting. Another instant, and the light passed. Everything around her emimated slightly with the remants of the glorious light, and before her stood a man. He was dark brown, with long brown hair and a beard that was not dirty, but slightly unkempt. He looked down at her tenderly, examining her with his deep brown eyes, and then his face broke slowly into a wide smile. Her face cracked into a half smile, and she greeted him casually. "Hey Jesus."
"Hey Ellie. How are you?"
"Good, thanks."
"Is that so?"
"Yes," she replied indignantly. He eyed her closely, but said nothing. "I mean, I have two great parents that love me, I have a huge adult support base, I have the best friends in the world, I have a roof over my head, pleanty of food and clothing, I live in a free country, I'm healthy, and I get to receive an education. And I know you. So why shouldn't I be good?"
"I didn't say you shouldn't be," he replied kindly. "I merely suggested you might not be."
"Well, it's stupid anyway. I don't know what my problem is."
"Well, maybe I do." She averted her gaze, but he took her face in his hand and gently brought her eyes back to his. Smiling an understanding smile, he said, "Let's go for a walk."
Instantly they were outside. Tonight he had brought them to a peaceful country lane which passed between quiet storefronts that were antiquated in style, but appeared fairly new.
"Where are we?" she asked.
"Early American boom town."
"It looks like Little House on the Prairie."
"You've got the right time period." They fell silent. Ellie started at the sound of howling in the distance, and the jolt caused her to look up from the ground and observe her surroundings further. Truly, it was like a scene from Little House. To the right, there was a family restaurant, a general store, a watch repair shop, the local doctor's office, and a Seed and Feed store. On the left, a lumber mill, a blacksmith shop, a tiny Post Office, and a tailor's shop. Dead ahead of them stood the church, a still bell shining in the moonlight from inside the white steeple. As she stood staring at the church, something cold nuzzled Ellie's hand. She jumped, and when she looked down, a yellow Labrador stared up at her, his tongue hanging lazliy out of his mouth, his backside moving quickly up and down from his excited panting. "He'll be good company, and he'll bark if wolves are coming."
"Are you telling me you, of all people, won't sense danger coming?" Ellie asked, slightly amused.
"Well, he'll be good company then." Silence fell again, broken only by the happy breathing of their hairy new companion. "Cast all your burdens on me," he whispered after a moment.
"What if I don't even know what it is? How do you expect me to give it to you if I don't know what it is?" she said, frustrated more with herself than with Him.
"My understanding is not contingent on yours, Ellie."
"It's just so infuriating!" she exclaimed without hearing Him. "Why is it just me? Why is it that I can't adjust? Me, of all people! People have been mistaking me for 18 since I was 13. My maturity and articulateness have been hailed by many. Everyone expected me to flourish because I'm social and generally well-liked and always ready for a new adventure. I'm the girl who travels to foreign countries, the one who always has a funny quip or witty comment, the one with lofty goals and an inexplicably low self-esteem that shocks people because, according to them, there is no earthly reason for it. I'm the one who always points to You!" she yelled, stopping short in her tracks, finally looking up at Him. "And now the love and joy and peace that I've promised to people in the past, I can't find myself." When He didn't speak, she continued, "I don't know why, but I wasn't ready to grow up. All my friends were, and granted I would be reluctant to follow some of their paths to full-blown adulthood, but at least they embraced their new life chapter. To me, it feels like I just finished the Harry-Potter-series-portion of my life, and now this chapter is more like Dickens--there might be something good in it, but I'm going to have to slog through to find out." He chuckled, and she smiled in spite of herself. But then her face became downcast once more, and she asked Him seriously, "So? What do you have to say?"
"My grace is sufficient," He stated simply.
"Oh come on! Give me more than that!"
"More? You mean more than my death for your forgiveness, my resurrection for your new life, my love that never fails, and my grace that covers you in every situation?" He smiled knowingly. "Let me ask you this: when the apsotle Paul cried out because he was in pain, and I told him that very same thing, does the Bible then say, 'And suddenly Paul felt magically better, and everything was good because he felt good.'"
"No," Ellie replied, supplying the obviously correct answer.
"Ok then. So have faith that my grace is with you--that I'm 'in the boat' as you would say--even if you don't feel it. Because in your heart of hearts, you know it's true." Silence again, and they continued slowly forward. Tears streamed down Ellie's face, and her sobs caused the dog to sidle up closer and look pleadingly up at her. "I just wish I didn't miss them so much...and I wish--" she paused, breathed in deep to steady her voice, and said, "--that I loved you more."
He stopped, forcing her to turn around and face Him. He passed his hand over her face, wiping away the tears with His nail-scarred palm.
"My love is not contingent on your love. I am crazy about you no matter what. And unlike you, sweet Beloved, I am not discouraged if people do not seem to love me as much as I do them. Your love for me is as perfect as mine is for you. I know, because it is my Life that lives in you. You simply have yet to give it full expression, full rule over your heart. You're still bogged down by earthly forms of love, and by earthly burdens. And as you continue to surrender those things to me, you will continue to grow in contentment and peace." Ellie said nothing, but wiped away her remaining tears and raised her head to meet his eyes. "Do you trust me?" he asked, smiling becaue He already knew the answer.
"Yes, I do. I'm confused, and I still don't feel great, but I do trust you."
"Then abide in me, and I will give you rest. You are safe, and I delight in you always. Go in peace, and know that I am in you and walking with you always. I love you, Ellie."
"I love you too, Jesus."
The alarm jolted her awake, and after a momentary hesitation, her feet hit the floor. With the sensation of the carpet under her bare feet and the cool air raising goosebumps on her arms, she closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and whispered, "Good morning, Lord."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
So yeah, I decided to kick off today exercising my creative writing tendencies. Hope you're not too depressed! I'll try to write comedy someday. :)
For anyone who doesn't know, I got rid of the Monday midnight to 4am shift! Which makes my boss Jay my favorite person! And today I have acting and directing class. They are both amazing, but I'm a little intimidated, particularly by acting class. But I'll try pep-talking myself in the shower today after work. :)
I might get a job at Centennial Hall, only if they don't mind me missing like 4 Saturdays in a row for costume crew. Centennial Hall, for those who don't know, is the University of Arizona's way-less-awesome version of Gammage at ASU. And if you don't know what Gammage is...well, look it up.
I have devised an eating and exercise plan that will (hopefully) help me lose a little weight (not a lot, nobody freak out) and get in shape by the end of the semester. I'll keep you posted (because you are so incredibly enthralled, I'm sure).
Alright, this has been a long one! Plus my computer battery is almost gone. So there's that.
Kris, call Tom and tell him how to comment. Yale doesn't have a course in common sense. (Tom, don't say that Yale does so have a course that discusses Thomas Paine...)
I hope everyone has a wonderful day!
Jesucristo es PURA VIDA!
Love,
Lindsey
Suddenly, a brilliant light filled the room, and her view of everything in it was momentarily marred. She sat up, put her glasses back on, and slung her legs over the side of the bed, waiting. Another instant, and the light passed. Everything around her emimated slightly with the remants of the glorious light, and before her stood a man. He was dark brown, with long brown hair and a beard that was not dirty, but slightly unkempt. He looked down at her tenderly, examining her with his deep brown eyes, and then his face broke slowly into a wide smile. Her face cracked into a half smile, and she greeted him casually. "Hey Jesus."
"Hey Ellie. How are you?"
"Good, thanks."
"Is that so?"
"Yes," she replied indignantly. He eyed her closely, but said nothing. "I mean, I have two great parents that love me, I have a huge adult support base, I have the best friends in the world, I have a roof over my head, pleanty of food and clothing, I live in a free country, I'm healthy, and I get to receive an education. And I know you. So why shouldn't I be good?"
"I didn't say you shouldn't be," he replied kindly. "I merely suggested you might not be."
"Well, it's stupid anyway. I don't know what my problem is."
"Well, maybe I do." She averted her gaze, but he took her face in his hand and gently brought her eyes back to his. Smiling an understanding smile, he said, "Let's go for a walk."
Instantly they were outside. Tonight he had brought them to a peaceful country lane which passed between quiet storefronts that were antiquated in style, but appeared fairly new.
"Where are we?" she asked.
"Early American boom town."
"It looks like Little House on the Prairie."
"You've got the right time period." They fell silent. Ellie started at the sound of howling in the distance, and the jolt caused her to look up from the ground and observe her surroundings further. Truly, it was like a scene from Little House. To the right, there was a family restaurant, a general store, a watch repair shop, the local doctor's office, and a Seed and Feed store. On the left, a lumber mill, a blacksmith shop, a tiny Post Office, and a tailor's shop. Dead ahead of them stood the church, a still bell shining in the moonlight from inside the white steeple. As she stood staring at the church, something cold nuzzled Ellie's hand. She jumped, and when she looked down, a yellow Labrador stared up at her, his tongue hanging lazliy out of his mouth, his backside moving quickly up and down from his excited panting. "He'll be good company, and he'll bark if wolves are coming."
"Are you telling me you, of all people, won't sense danger coming?" Ellie asked, slightly amused.
"Well, he'll be good company then." Silence fell again, broken only by the happy breathing of their hairy new companion. "Cast all your burdens on me," he whispered after a moment.
"What if I don't even know what it is? How do you expect me to give it to you if I don't know what it is?" she said, frustrated more with herself than with Him.
"My understanding is not contingent on yours, Ellie."
"It's just so infuriating!" she exclaimed without hearing Him. "Why is it just me? Why is it that I can't adjust? Me, of all people! People have been mistaking me for 18 since I was 13. My maturity and articulateness have been hailed by many. Everyone expected me to flourish because I'm social and generally well-liked and always ready for a new adventure. I'm the girl who travels to foreign countries, the one who always has a funny quip or witty comment, the one with lofty goals and an inexplicably low self-esteem that shocks people because, according to them, there is no earthly reason for it. I'm the one who always points to You!" she yelled, stopping short in her tracks, finally looking up at Him. "And now the love and joy and peace that I've promised to people in the past, I can't find myself." When He didn't speak, she continued, "I don't know why, but I wasn't ready to grow up. All my friends were, and granted I would be reluctant to follow some of their paths to full-blown adulthood, but at least they embraced their new life chapter. To me, it feels like I just finished the Harry-Potter-series-portion of my life, and now this chapter is more like Dickens--there might be something good in it, but I'm going to have to slog through to find out." He chuckled, and she smiled in spite of herself. But then her face became downcast once more, and she asked Him seriously, "So? What do you have to say?"
"My grace is sufficient," He stated simply.
"Oh come on! Give me more than that!"
"More? You mean more than my death for your forgiveness, my resurrection for your new life, my love that never fails, and my grace that covers you in every situation?" He smiled knowingly. "Let me ask you this: when the apsotle Paul cried out because he was in pain, and I told him that very same thing, does the Bible then say, 'And suddenly Paul felt magically better, and everything was good because he felt good.'"
"No," Ellie replied, supplying the obviously correct answer.
"Ok then. So have faith that my grace is with you--that I'm 'in the boat' as you would say--even if you don't feel it. Because in your heart of hearts, you know it's true." Silence again, and they continued slowly forward. Tears streamed down Ellie's face, and her sobs caused the dog to sidle up closer and look pleadingly up at her. "I just wish I didn't miss them so much...and I wish--" she paused, breathed in deep to steady her voice, and said, "--that I loved you more."
He stopped, forcing her to turn around and face Him. He passed his hand over her face, wiping away the tears with His nail-scarred palm.
"My love is not contingent on your love. I am crazy about you no matter what. And unlike you, sweet Beloved, I am not discouraged if people do not seem to love me as much as I do them. Your love for me is as perfect as mine is for you. I know, because it is my Life that lives in you. You simply have yet to give it full expression, full rule over your heart. You're still bogged down by earthly forms of love, and by earthly burdens. And as you continue to surrender those things to me, you will continue to grow in contentment and peace." Ellie said nothing, but wiped away her remaining tears and raised her head to meet his eyes. "Do you trust me?" he asked, smiling becaue He already knew the answer.
"Yes, I do. I'm confused, and I still don't feel great, but I do trust you."
"Then abide in me, and I will give you rest. You are safe, and I delight in you always. Go in peace, and know that I am in you and walking with you always. I love you, Ellie."
"I love you too, Jesus."
The alarm jolted her awake, and after a momentary hesitation, her feet hit the floor. With the sensation of the carpet under her bare feet and the cool air raising goosebumps on her arms, she closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and whispered, "Good morning, Lord."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
So yeah, I decided to kick off today exercising my creative writing tendencies. Hope you're not too depressed! I'll try to write comedy someday. :)
For anyone who doesn't know, I got rid of the Monday midnight to 4am shift! Which makes my boss Jay my favorite person! And today I have acting and directing class. They are both amazing, but I'm a little intimidated, particularly by acting class. But I'll try pep-talking myself in the shower today after work. :)
I might get a job at Centennial Hall, only if they don't mind me missing like 4 Saturdays in a row for costume crew. Centennial Hall, for those who don't know, is the University of Arizona's way-less-awesome version of Gammage at ASU. And if you don't know what Gammage is...well, look it up.
I have devised an eating and exercise plan that will (hopefully) help me lose a little weight (not a lot, nobody freak out) and get in shape by the end of the semester. I'll keep you posted (because you are so incredibly enthralled, I'm sure).
Alright, this has been a long one! Plus my computer battery is almost gone. So there's that.
Kris, call Tom and tell him how to comment. Yale doesn't have a course in common sense. (Tom, don't say that Yale does so have a course that discusses Thomas Paine...)
I hope everyone has a wonderful day!
Jesucristo es PURA VIDA!
Love,
Lindsey
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
The wheels of the year slowly begin to turn...
Yesterday was my first day as a college sophomore. By the end of the day, the only thing I was thoroughly convinced of is the fact that I shouldn't have to work midnight to 4 am on Mondays, so I emailed my boss. We'll see how that turns out...
My classes were uneventful. There was serious confusion as to where the costuming class was supposed to meet, so about 15 of us only caught the last 20 minutes of class. Afterward I hurried down to sign up for a crew, but unfortunately I wasn't alone in that pursuit. Consequently, the crew I signed up for, though it may cut it close and there is a (very) small chance that it may still be feasible, the reality is I probably won't get to audition for (let alone be in) a show this semester...again. It's just not fair. It's like I tell Kristen: her passion is like loving to play basketball, mine is like loving to play baseball. Hers can be fun and rewarding alone or with other people. Mine is not terribly fun and very limited without other people. Thankfully this semester I'll have an acting class, so that'll be something.
Speaking of acting class, today marks my first real acting class ever! In junior high, drama didn't teach you much apart from not peeing yourself on stage. In high school, I skipped right to the Performance class, where all we did was perform, and then I was also in some shows, where obviously all we did was perform, so I had some learning days and some technique along the way, but I've never had a concentrated learning experience in acting or acting technique. For all I know, I've been doing it wrong this whole time! So we'll see how that goes, I'm looking forward to it.
Anyway, after costuming I went to Literature of the Bible. It actually seems like the class will be cool, without being anti-Christian. At first I thought it would either be by a Christian, for Christians (an extremely unlikely situation considering how liberal my school is) or an anti-Christian crusade attempting to convince us that the Bible is fictional literature. However, the professor says he has literally been teaching at UA for longer than we've been alive, and it seems that he has the wisdom not to proselytize to us, unlike the uber-liberal TA's that I've had before.
My last class was Principles of Dramatic Structure, and we're going to read even more plays than I thought! We start out with Rum and Coke, which is not a very well known play, but it is the first play being performed this semester, so we have to read it and then see it. I get to watch all three mainstages for my class, and right after Rum and Coke we read/analyze Oedipus and Hamlet. Not like those are two of my favorite pieces of theatre or anything! I sound like a true-blue future English teacher when I talk about Hamlet! I'm very excited.
And today I will have Acting and Directing. Heh, rough day, right? Hopefully I didn't just jinx myself, I would really hate to actually have a rough day. My morning was already a little bit lame.
I had a weird dream, and all I really remember is that Kristen was directing a band of some kind, and I was playing her oboe. It was kind of awesome, for a second I realized why Kristen loves playing with ensembles so much! It was closely akin to what I feel when performing for an audience, but there was also a unique quality about it. It was very cool. It was also very uncool when I woke up. I looked around, and for the first couple seconds I didn't know where I was. I expected to be at home, and I expected to see Kristen. Neither was true, and that familiar heavy sensation that sends me right to the verge of tears settled itself in my chest.
I want what the Lord has for me in this season. I really just want what He has for me. I don't know what the Lord is doing, but I am in desperate need of more of Jesus. Not only that, but I need Jesus to help me receive all that He has for me. He is the God of comfort, the God of peace...the Word says "Be strong, and take heart, and wait for the Lord." I want to do that. I feel like all I do is try, and fail, to lean on Jesus. But He is gracious, and He loves me...I just desperately need Him to reveal that love to my heart in a new way, to make it real to me.
I shared this Joy Williams song with Kristen the other day, but it is how I feel:
"Are you listening
To anything that I say
'Cause I been praying
How many prayers can I pray
I'm still waiting
Maybe You'll show up today
I know You're here, but I can't feel You
And if You're speaking, I can't hear You
How much longer will this last?
So okay
Answer me with silence
It's okay if You don't say a word
You're testing me to trust You'll be faithful in this quiet
So okay
Answer me
With silence
Why do I question
Your intentions for me
When Your affection
Is a proven legacy
Oh Father, Father
Turn my fears into peace
I know Your love will never leave
I know You want what's best for me
You're testing me to trust You'll be faithful in this quiet
Oh, it's okay
If You answer me with silence
And it's okay if You don't say a word
You're testing me to trust You'll be faithful in this quiet
So okay
Answer me
With silence"
It absolutely expresses how I feel. It also ignites a need to write my own poetry again, so you may see that in the near future...
You know, it is interesting to watch the sun come up. Every time I look up, it is a little brighter outside. I'm told it'll get stranger as the winter approaches, because it'll stay darker longer.
Also, I think it is lame that it is so cold in these buildings. My dorm is the same way; it's like they're trying to compensate for how hot it gets outside, but then you practically need a jacket inside, but you're sweaty and heat-dazed outside. In other words, you just can't win! I wish I'd remembered my jacket. I've had goosebumps all morning.
I'm sitting here listening to 30 Rock and staring at 9 different flower arrangements. I guess people--parents, friends, significant others--are sending their respective Coro residents a little floral love. What a sweet sentiment! God has such creativity. These colors are so vibrant, and the shapes are so unique...imagine, none of this, not the colors in all their various shades, not the elegant rose-shape, or the whimsical carnation-shape, or the cheerful sunflower-shape, none of it existed until God spoke it into existence. Colors and shapes are manifestations of His person, His glory, His beauty, His magnificence. He is a good and wonderful God.
Well, I'll say goodbye for now.
"I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge--that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God." --Ephesians 3:16-19
That is my prayer for me, and that is my prayer for you. "Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen." --Ephesians 3: 20-21
And may we always know that God's power "is" at work within us, not "might be" at work within us. We belong to Him, and as long as we are in Jesus, He is at work within us, working for His good pleasure in our lives.
Jesucristo es PURA VIDA!
Love,
Lindsey
My classes were uneventful. There was serious confusion as to where the costuming class was supposed to meet, so about 15 of us only caught the last 20 minutes of class. Afterward I hurried down to sign up for a crew, but unfortunately I wasn't alone in that pursuit. Consequently, the crew I signed up for, though it may cut it close and there is a (very) small chance that it may still be feasible, the reality is I probably won't get to audition for (let alone be in) a show this semester...again. It's just not fair. It's like I tell Kristen: her passion is like loving to play basketball, mine is like loving to play baseball. Hers can be fun and rewarding alone or with other people. Mine is not terribly fun and very limited without other people. Thankfully this semester I'll have an acting class, so that'll be something.
Speaking of acting class, today marks my first real acting class ever! In junior high, drama didn't teach you much apart from not peeing yourself on stage. In high school, I skipped right to the Performance class, where all we did was perform, and then I was also in some shows, where obviously all we did was perform, so I had some learning days and some technique along the way, but I've never had a concentrated learning experience in acting or acting technique. For all I know, I've been doing it wrong this whole time! So we'll see how that goes, I'm looking forward to it.
Anyway, after costuming I went to Literature of the Bible. It actually seems like the class will be cool, without being anti-Christian. At first I thought it would either be by a Christian, for Christians (an extremely unlikely situation considering how liberal my school is) or an anti-Christian crusade attempting to convince us that the Bible is fictional literature. However, the professor says he has literally been teaching at UA for longer than we've been alive, and it seems that he has the wisdom not to proselytize to us, unlike the uber-liberal TA's that I've had before.
My last class was Principles of Dramatic Structure, and we're going to read even more plays than I thought! We start out with Rum and Coke, which is not a very well known play, but it is the first play being performed this semester, so we have to read it and then see it. I get to watch all three mainstages for my class, and right after Rum and Coke we read/analyze Oedipus and Hamlet. Not like those are two of my favorite pieces of theatre or anything! I sound like a true-blue future English teacher when I talk about Hamlet! I'm very excited.
And today I will have Acting and Directing. Heh, rough day, right? Hopefully I didn't just jinx myself, I would really hate to actually have a rough day. My morning was already a little bit lame.
I had a weird dream, and all I really remember is that Kristen was directing a band of some kind, and I was playing her oboe. It was kind of awesome, for a second I realized why Kristen loves playing with ensembles so much! It was closely akin to what I feel when performing for an audience, but there was also a unique quality about it. It was very cool. It was also very uncool when I woke up. I looked around, and for the first couple seconds I didn't know where I was. I expected to be at home, and I expected to see Kristen. Neither was true, and that familiar heavy sensation that sends me right to the verge of tears settled itself in my chest.
I want what the Lord has for me in this season. I really just want what He has for me. I don't know what the Lord is doing, but I am in desperate need of more of Jesus. Not only that, but I need Jesus to help me receive all that He has for me. He is the God of comfort, the God of peace...the Word says "Be strong, and take heart, and wait for the Lord." I want to do that. I feel like all I do is try, and fail, to lean on Jesus. But He is gracious, and He loves me...I just desperately need Him to reveal that love to my heart in a new way, to make it real to me.
I shared this Joy Williams song with Kristen the other day, but it is how I feel:
"Are you listening
To anything that I say
'Cause I been praying
How many prayers can I pray
I'm still waiting
Maybe You'll show up today
I know You're here, but I can't feel You
And if You're speaking, I can't hear You
How much longer will this last?
So okay
Answer me with silence
It's okay if You don't say a word
You're testing me to trust You'll be faithful in this quiet
So okay
Answer me
With silence
Why do I question
Your intentions for me
When Your affection
Is a proven legacy
Oh Father, Father
Turn my fears into peace
I know Your love will never leave
I know You want what's best for me
You're testing me to trust You'll be faithful in this quiet
Oh, it's okay
If You answer me with silence
And it's okay if You don't say a word
You're testing me to trust You'll be faithful in this quiet
So okay
Answer me
With silence"
It absolutely expresses how I feel. It also ignites a need to write my own poetry again, so you may see that in the near future...
You know, it is interesting to watch the sun come up. Every time I look up, it is a little brighter outside. I'm told it'll get stranger as the winter approaches, because it'll stay darker longer.
Also, I think it is lame that it is so cold in these buildings. My dorm is the same way; it's like they're trying to compensate for how hot it gets outside, but then you practically need a jacket inside, but you're sweaty and heat-dazed outside. In other words, you just can't win! I wish I'd remembered my jacket. I've had goosebumps all morning.
I'm sitting here listening to 30 Rock and staring at 9 different flower arrangements. I guess people--parents, friends, significant others--are sending their respective Coro residents a little floral love. What a sweet sentiment! God has such creativity. These colors are so vibrant, and the shapes are so unique...imagine, none of this, not the colors in all their various shades, not the elegant rose-shape, or the whimsical carnation-shape, or the cheerful sunflower-shape, none of it existed until God spoke it into existence. Colors and shapes are manifestations of His person, His glory, His beauty, His magnificence. He is a good and wonderful God.
Well, I'll say goodbye for now.
"I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge--that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God." --Ephesians 3:16-19
That is my prayer for me, and that is my prayer for you. "Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen." --Ephesians 3: 20-21
And may we always know that God's power "is" at work within us, not "might be" at work within us. We belong to Him, and as long as we are in Jesus, He is at work within us, working for His good pleasure in our lives.
Jesucristo es PURA VIDA!
Love,
Lindsey
Monday, August 24, 2009
MONDAY, AUGUST 24TH: FIRST DAY OF SOPHOMORE YEAR
I'll keep you updated. So far: my day began promptly when the day itself began, at midnight, with the midnight to 4 am shift at Coronado. It is currently 3 am, and I want nothing more then to crawl under my covers, pull my pillow under my arm, and sink into the softness of peaceful sleep...for a grand total of 3 hours before my alarm jolts me awake, I groan miserably, stave off the inevitable morning for as long as possible, and then finally drag my ill-rested body out of bed, very likely smacking my head on the top bunk on the way, and battle in vain to invigorate my limbs out of the heaviness of sleep. I'm pretty sure I've got that part pegged, but beyond that is a mystery, so I'll let you know...
It is 3:10 am, and a guy just walked in and went upstairs. What in the name of sanity was he doing out? School starts tomorrow! No amount of denial will alter the fact that he has classes in the morning. Believe me, if that were possible, I'd be in denial up the wazoo.
I don't have much to write about at the moment, which is funny, since I don't really talk about much in my other posts either. Hmm...
I went to church this morning. The morning started out lousy. Didn't get to bed until around 4 am (Coronado will be the death of me), woke up at 7:45 am to get ready for church, ran to the car garage in heels and make-up-less because I was running late, wore off the skin on the back of my heel (such pain!), and walked into church late...the worship was good, the songs great. I really enjoyed the sermon. The pastor talked about how God is building his church together, and how we are all joined in the Life-giving Cornerstone that is Christ. It was good stuff! And then I talked to the two guys that were sitting next to me afterward...I think their names were Micah and Nathan. They were both really nice, and it seemed like the whole congregation was nice. Next week there is a BBQ after the service, so I'm going to attend again and then maybe talk to some more people afterwards to see if it might be my home church. I feel like there is some time yet before I am sure about any church as a home church, but I've known quickly before, so...let's see what God does!
Kristen laughed at me when I told her I talked to two guys after church because I have been stumbling into such situations frequently this past week. I spent a few hours in the basement of Yavapai the other day talking to lots of people, and I ended up going to dinner with 6 guys. I don't know if there are any lasting friendships there, but I guess we'll see...
Anyway, I'm going to call the girl who is supposed to relieve me at 4 am to make sure she is awake. My boss was mad that she told the guy who works the shift before me to have me call her to ensure that she wakes up, and personally I think it's a little stupid myself considering it is her job to make sure she wakes up. However, I am very pro-her showing up because I want desperately to go back to my dorm and my beautiful bed, so guess what? I am going to call her.
I called her. Sounded like she was already awake, but still groggy. That's quite understandable. I really hope I can manage this semester ok. I must learn to rely on God's grace, provision, strength, comfort, peace, and LIFE. May God help me receive from Him all that He has for me!
Jesucristo es PURA VIDA!
"I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong, and take heart, and wait for the Lord." --Psalm 27:13-14
Love,
Lindsey
I'll keep you updated. So far: my day began promptly when the day itself began, at midnight, with the midnight to 4 am shift at Coronado. It is currently 3 am, and I want nothing more then to crawl under my covers, pull my pillow under my arm, and sink into the softness of peaceful sleep...for a grand total of 3 hours before my alarm jolts me awake, I groan miserably, stave off the inevitable morning for as long as possible, and then finally drag my ill-rested body out of bed, very likely smacking my head on the top bunk on the way, and battle in vain to invigorate my limbs out of the heaviness of sleep. I'm pretty sure I've got that part pegged, but beyond that is a mystery, so I'll let you know...
It is 3:10 am, and a guy just walked in and went upstairs. What in the name of sanity was he doing out? School starts tomorrow! No amount of denial will alter the fact that he has classes in the morning. Believe me, if that were possible, I'd be in denial up the wazoo.
I don't have much to write about at the moment, which is funny, since I don't really talk about much in my other posts either. Hmm...
I went to church this morning. The morning started out lousy. Didn't get to bed until around 4 am (Coronado will be the death of me), woke up at 7:45 am to get ready for church, ran to the car garage in heels and make-up-less because I was running late, wore off the skin on the back of my heel (such pain!), and walked into church late...the worship was good, the songs great. I really enjoyed the sermon. The pastor talked about how God is building his church together, and how we are all joined in the Life-giving Cornerstone that is Christ. It was good stuff! And then I talked to the two guys that were sitting next to me afterward...I think their names were Micah and Nathan. They were both really nice, and it seemed like the whole congregation was nice. Next week there is a BBQ after the service, so I'm going to attend again and then maybe talk to some more people afterwards to see if it might be my home church. I feel like there is some time yet before I am sure about any church as a home church, but I've known quickly before, so...let's see what God does!
Kristen laughed at me when I told her I talked to two guys after church because I have been stumbling into such situations frequently this past week. I spent a few hours in the basement of Yavapai the other day talking to lots of people, and I ended up going to dinner with 6 guys. I don't know if there are any lasting friendships there, but I guess we'll see...
Anyway, I'm going to call the girl who is supposed to relieve me at 4 am to make sure she is awake. My boss was mad that she told the guy who works the shift before me to have me call her to ensure that she wakes up, and personally I think it's a little stupid myself considering it is her job to make sure she wakes up. However, I am very pro-her showing up because I want desperately to go back to my dorm and my beautiful bed, so guess what? I am going to call her.
I called her. Sounded like she was already awake, but still groggy. That's quite understandable. I really hope I can manage this semester ok. I must learn to rely on God's grace, provision, strength, comfort, peace, and LIFE. May God help me receive from Him all that He has for me!
Jesucristo es PURA VIDA!
"I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong, and take heart, and wait for the Lord." --Psalm 27:13-14
Love,
Lindsey
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