More than meets the eye...

Yesterday, I had a meeting with my Acting and Directing teacher, Betsy. I've been trying to talk to everyone who will listen about whether or not I should audition for the BFA program.

In case you've forgotten or I never explained, let me give a brief explanation: in order to be a part of the BFA Acting program, you have to audition, and you can't double major, so if I wanted a degree in English and a BFA degree in Acting, I would have to double degree, which means another set of GenEds. Also, I would have to give up my other areas of study, Spanish and Creative Writing. And I probably would not be able to study abroad because the BFA is a rigid course load, and I'm already a year behind, so I'd be here for an extra year, a minimum of an extra two if I decided to double degree. However, only BFA actors (as opposed to BA Theatre Arts majors, which is what I am currently) can be in the main stage shows, and the main stage shows are some really awesome material. Also, there is a wide array of classes that only the BFA actors can take, such as Acting III - Acting VIII, and Shakespeare Acting, and all the Voice and Movement classes, etc.

When I talked to Carrie, my PODS teacher, she advised me not to become a BFA because I have other interests that I wouldn't want to give up, and I'd be behind in the program. Later that day, Carrie emailed me and told me I should take her Intro to Dramaturgy class next semester (dramaturgy is studying the text and the director's desired approach and helping make everything historically accurate and informed, and I think I would love it). Then when I talked to Betsy, I told her Carrie wanted me to take that class and she said, "You totally should. They're gonna try to poach you because you're smart, you've got great critical thinking skills. I know that from having you in Survey [of Directing]."

That was one of a couple times she told me I am smart. She also said that from the "teeny teeny tiny bit that I've seen of you in class" (she hasn't seen me do dialogue, only physical work), I apparently have "great commitment" to my decisions, and "more than meets the eye as a performer." She told me I have nothing to lose from auditioning for the BFA program, that if I'm passionate about something I should do it, and that she sees potential in me as a performer. She also told me I have too much potential to be a high school teacher, and that if I ever fall into teaching, I should at least be a professor.

All in all, one big ego boost for Lindsey. And that was wonderful, and I just had a big grin on my face as I walked away, but I try to be slightly wary of ego boosts. I don't want to get too into myself or what I am doing. I want God's will for my life because I know all that will really bring me joy in this world is what God has in store. Maybe all God has in store is for me to glorify Him and know Him more no matter where I am. Or maybe God's will for me is to get my degrees and then go be a missionary in Argentina. I have no idea, but I want His will. I don't want to get proud or self-focused, so that is my prayer.

However, I am 95% sure I am going to audition for the BFA program at the end of May. It is stupid for me to wonder about being in it when it isn't even actually an option until I get in. So I will audition, and if I get in, I will have a decision to make. If I don't, the decision is somewhat easier. In the mean time, I will try to focus on the day, and what I'm doing. I really want to enjoy this day that the Lord has given, and not worry about the future, but rather trust God with whatever He brings about. So that is also my prayer.

I think I'm too hard on myself. I think I have trouble just letting myself be content, because the reality is God is wanting to lead me by still waters, and I want to let Him. I want to know Him, and be satisfied in Him, so that the possibilities of the future only excite me, but don't worry me, or don't make me feel guilty when they do excite me.

This has really been the big dilemma going on in my life this week. I'm trying to think of something else to write about, but this has kind of occupied my brain and my time this week, especially since I'm working on Anne Frank. Side note: amazing show. I want to be in it one day!

So this has been a particularly boring entry, and for that I apologize. I'm tired, I'm not functioning completely. It's 5am, I'm at work, and I had the show last night...and I start rehearsals for my own show next week! Oh boy...well, it'll be fun!

I also haven't gotten to talk to anyone as much as I usually do this week, particularly Kristen. I want those of you to know that I love you and miss you very much.

Alright, I'll end on that note. May you and I always remember that, above all else, Jesucristo es PURA VIDA!

Love,
Lindsey